Talking out of the mouth of maddness.

The talking, it never stops. It goes on forever. In the car, bath, sleep, and just all the time. I like talking to my children but sometimes I wish it would stop for a little bit. My daughter always says" b'sides," then followed by some statement like she said a reason for any of the following statements.
My Son Bobby likes to speak in motor sounds and demands a count down before he leaves a room, and then winds up in place like a cartoon before shooting off into the house going "vroom!," and " squealing break noises," when he corners. Cooper like to chime in all the time with "me too," to anything.
 The point I guess is that my children are a walking stream of consciousness at home. It's constant. A good majority of the time you get all three talking at the same time and unless you respond they just continue to get louder and louder talking over each other till you loose all sense of reason and turn like a wild person and tell them you can't speak their language and need them to slow down and go one at a time.
 The worst is when they fight. Or they hurt one another. First you hear the scream. Then you hear "I's sorry, I said I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." And to fully understand this you have to see this in your mind. First the scream then the screaming and crying starts to advance through the house looking for a parent while being trailed by the "I'm sorrys." Then you have two kids one trapped in hitching sobs and saying what the other kids did while the other kid keeps saying "I'm sorry." Then somewhere is the third watching from the corner like a rubbernecker.
  It's in those moments that you have to breathe and count to ten in order to solve the issue. I constantly tell my children that I don't speak whine or crying and that they need to calm down so they can tell me what's going on. Which normally results in me playing mediator. I try to be Judge Judy and it normally turns into Jerry Springer fights. The joys of parent hood.

Creepy kiddos.

I work in the haunted house industry and have a passion for the macabre and scary. I always have been drawn to this stuff and recently found a door into the industry and I jumped in both feet. I bring this up in the triplets blog because I have received concerns about the kids and the influences that this profession can have on them. First My daughter wanted to play with a prop of mine and wanted to pose for photos because she saw me dressing up and taking photos for promotional materials so being the loving father that I am I let her pose with a rubber hatchet in several poses. I was just trying to make her happy and we had fun. After I took the photos one of them came out really great. I mean Stephen King book cover great. Her long hair was dangled over her face so that you couldn't even recognize her. All you could see  was a slight smile and one blue eye looking out through the hair over the blade of a rubber axe.
 As the marketing director I colored the picture handed it to my photoshop guy an turned it into a promo shot, and it looked good. I posted it and there it stood on line for a full two weeks and not a word from any friends or family members. However it was in it's brief time one of our biggest photos with several hundred views within the first week. My daughter was not identified in anyway. She just some kid that happened to look creepy.
 Well at some point the family found out and it created a scandal. Now I am not angry as much as confused by the outrage. I don't believe that I put my daughter at risk in anyway. Have you seen T.V. these days? What type of message is allowed e.g. Miley Cyrus twerking at the MTV video awards and this is the role model for young girls all over the country. But god forbid my daughter hold a rubber axe. I think this is indicative of a much larger problem. I talk to my children about everything , movies, TV, food, the homeless on the streets. They listen to the political talks my wife and I have. And they, when applicable, chime in or ask questions. Why is it that our children are allowed to see people shot and murdered in cartoons and greed is venerated, as evident by or government, And Disney stars become hyper-sexualized drug addicts. But Horror, God forbid, that's where we draw the line.
 The thing is, I strongly believe that I can't shelter my children from the world and would only make myself miserable doing so. So I intend to talk to my children and introduce them to as much as possible and teach them to make informed decisions. I also believe that I can't make my children learn anything I can only help them understand what they learn on their own. My job as a parent is to provide the environment and the resources to learn as much as they want or can and hopefully together we can figure out the rest.

Music makers are the little children.

The kids love the music be it on the radio or Mom and Dad's collection or even random stuff that comes on TV. They dance and sing all the time. Not that any of it is any good but at least they're trying right. They have all expressed desire for different instruments too. Bobby wants a Rock and Roll guitar and Iris wants a microphone and a guitar while Cooper wants a drum set. Now the crazy thing is that we as parents have not tried to guide these desires in the children. They have developed this on their own. That said I want to provide my children all that I can, however I am slightly hesitant to trap my self in a house with three children with what at the very least in the early stages will be very expensive LOUD noise makers. I see all the pros to it and I am glad that my children have a love of music, but can you imagine the cacophony.
 One of the normal things that we do when we're driving is sing. We have quite the repertoire, every thing from Row row your boat to It's only a Paper Moon. The kids like to sing although they don't really like to sing together and it can lead to arguments.
  "But, I was singing that," Says Cooper to Iris.
Then Bobby says, "I don't like that song I want to sing this!"
And it goes on until a parent steps in. They all love to be the center of attention when family is involved. My wife and I have decided in a attempt to harness this power that we are going to teach them a singing routine for Christmas to perform for the family. We have decided to teach them Lyle Lovett's "You're not from Texas" and a line dance. All I can say is wish us luck and if and when we make it happen I can promise you there will be videos.

Discipline is a two way street.

Before my kids were born I was one of those assholes who had a million theories and would be all judgmental to those poor parents who in public had little or know control over their kids. I thought I'm not going to be that guy almost every time I would see a kid out of control and a parent with the look of murder in their eyes and think there has got to be a better way. Before the kids were born I believed that corporal punishment was wrong and that only a monster would hurt their children. I thought screaming and yelling was horrible. And mostly I thought that I would be able to communicate with my children and have discourse and understanding with each other.
 Well I was wrong on several points. I now understand that parents all want the same things that I did and thought in some manner the same naïve way as I before children. All you people whom without children sit on your high horse and judge the parent in public with the caterwauling child, you can just stuff it. You judge off a five minute experience and you have no idea that the child, that perfect angel, has not only crapped the bed that morning and smeared it all over the walls of his bedroom, threw breakfast in his mother's face. Peed on the dog. Pulled a lamp off a table and broke it. Crapped in the car on the way to the store and had to be changed in a parking lot. Threw up over your new shirt that you wore because you were going to have lunch with your spouse that day. And now once you have gotten them in the store and trying to pick up a few things so you can go home and cook dinner, this child has seen the colorful box of tide pods and can't understand why a)they can't have it b) why it isn't a food or toy, and c) why are you such a jerk. All this normally all happens before 10am. It's a miracle more parents just don't snap from the pressure. Every thing I just described can be a normal Tuesday, now make it triplets and everyday and even then you won't get it.
  So I had all these aspirations and reality crashed in. I yell now to maintain control. I have spanked because I would rather hurt them a little then have them learn by being hit by a car because they refused to listen other wise. I have threatened and bullied and pushed and been the villain more times than I can count at this point. On the other hand I constantly receive compliments on how well my children behave and that they follow the rules and say yes ma'am and no sir, please and thank you. They clean up after themselves and they offer to help out with chores around the house. And the reason they do this is not because I am a dictator, but because I this is the behavior I expect and I give them the same respect. I say please and thank you and yes sir and no ma'am. I believe the best leaders lead by example and dictators get over thrown.

T.V. my childrens preferred method of parent torture.

I have seen copious amounts of children's television. And I generally hate all of it. I am serious about my dislike. I tried to watch the shows with the kids, I tried to care. I am inured to the voice of Dora, I can tune out SpongeBob, I can name the My little ponies friendship is magic ponies. I am well versed in paw patrol, Team Umizoomi, Hero Squad, Yo Gabba Gabba, and pound puppies. I have spent so much time watching this stuff that to make it bearable I try to apply Jungian archetypes to the characters.
  I've started trying to introduce the cartoons from my childhood just to get some respite. I have tried PlasticMan, The Real Ghostbusters, Dungeons and Dragons, old Loony Toons, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, all to no avail. The main bane to my life is the dreaded SpongeBob, we have one of those drop down DVD players in the car so of course anytime we're driving to SpongeBob for miles.
 Thankfully when it comes to movies my kids are a lot more open to experience. Oddly enough they love Ghostbusters and slapstick comedies. They have seen the Disney catalogue of course. But their favorite is the classic action movie. Don't get me wrong they all have their favorite type of film but it seems that when it's something that the Wife and I particularly dislike that will be their favorite to the point of nausea.

Hand holding, the art of public travel.

We as a family hold hands a lot. Especially when it's just me and the trips. Every time we go some place public and need to cross a road I make the kids hold hands. Normally it's a kid in either and while the third will hold one of the other's hand. We do this for safety of course. Anytime we go through a parking lot or when we get into large crowds it's just the easiest thing to do and has become second nature for the kids now. I can't imagine what other people think when they see us with me in the lead and the trips all lined up behind me all holding hands, we must make quite the procession.
  On the other hand when the kids and I go shopping I couldn't get anything done if I had the kids in hand every step of the way so we have some rules. They have freedom of movement as long as the never leave my sight. The second they leave my sight I track them down and put them in the cart. This is the way it's been since they could walk safely on their own, and so far it's been working like a charm.
 I have the constant fears of a kid disappearing like any parent. As such there is a portion of my brain that just counts heads on a pretty much constant basis. I do head sweeps with out thought every couple of seconds it is just second nature to me. This becomes difficult while out with other family members. I trust everyone in my family with my kids, If I didn't I would let them near the kids, that said, when the whole family goes to a large public venue like the Zoo or State Fair I have to constantly keep in mind that someone else is there to watch them. It's not easy. I appear standoffish at times because if they decide to take a child off to do something and not tell me I go into count and freak out mode and can little focus on anything else till the count is complete. I must see each child before I can relax. So when this happens I go a little crazy. The easiest thing for me to do is accept the fact that all three kids are being watched and go off and do something or I fear I will micromanage the hell out of my family. When I'm done I come back and run all over hell and high water until I get that head count.
 I'm not sure if this is normal for other parents. But I live in a world of fear when it comes to my children. Those of you that know me know that I confront fear and if something scares me I run headlong into it. When my children are involved I am the most fearful, nervous, and paranoid parent that I have ever met. Though if you asked my kids they would have no idea.
 

Backyard safaris.

My backyard is large and verdant. We have this great backyard view because there is a greenbelt so all you can see is trees and wildlife. This is a awesome environment for the kids. We have put a two story play ground back there, they have a sand box a garden and all sorts of paths and little hidden areas in which to pretend and get lost.
 Since the only thing that separates us from the greenbelt is a back alley neighborhood drive way to all the garages we have a large amount of wildlife that works it's way to the houses. We have every thing you can think of.
 My wife, lovely women that she is, love animals and nature. She likes to go on safaris with the kids in the back yard. Well one day while working in the garden she found a little garden snake and caught it to show the kids. As you can imagine the kids were enthralled. We normally catch lizards and geckos, we see all manner of birds from hawks to blue jays. We have quite the mammal issue as well with skunks and raccoons, squirrels and armadillos, with the occasional possum.
  Well all this leads to the point of this blog. Because of all this familiarity with the local wildlife under my wife's tutelage my children have no fear of animals. One day early this summer I was in the house sitting in a chair while the kids played in the back yard. Blissful quiet, such a rare commodity in this house. I was reading a book when I hear the ruckus and the laughing and yelling coming my way. I'm used to this so I really don't pull my self out of the book. My son Cooper runs up to me and yells "look what we found" and literally throws a living snake into my lap. This brown snake was as thick around as my thumb and about two feet long. My kids learned some new and interesting words that day.