Talking out of the mouth of maddness.

The talking, it never stops. It goes on forever. In the car, bath, sleep, and just all the time. I like talking to my children but sometimes I wish it would stop for a little bit. My daughter always says" b'sides," then followed by some statement like she said a reason for any of the following statements.
My Son Bobby likes to speak in motor sounds and demands a count down before he leaves a room, and then winds up in place like a cartoon before shooting off into the house going "vroom!," and " squealing break noises," when he corners. Cooper like to chime in all the time with "me too," to anything.
 The point I guess is that my children are a walking stream of consciousness at home. It's constant. A good majority of the time you get all three talking at the same time and unless you respond they just continue to get louder and louder talking over each other till you loose all sense of reason and turn like a wild person and tell them you can't speak their language and need them to slow down and go one at a time.
 The worst is when they fight. Or they hurt one another. First you hear the scream. Then you hear "I's sorry, I said I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." And to fully understand this you have to see this in your mind. First the scream then the screaming and crying starts to advance through the house looking for a parent while being trailed by the "I'm sorrys." Then you have two kids one trapped in hitching sobs and saying what the other kids did while the other kid keeps saying "I'm sorry." Then somewhere is the third watching from the corner like a rubbernecker.
  It's in those moments that you have to breathe and count to ten in order to solve the issue. I constantly tell my children that I don't speak whine or crying and that they need to calm down so they can tell me what's going on. Which normally results in me playing mediator. I try to be Judge Judy and it normally turns into Jerry Springer fights. The joys of parent hood.

Creepy kiddos.

I work in the haunted house industry and have a passion for the macabre and scary. I always have been drawn to this stuff and recently found a door into the industry and I jumped in both feet. I bring this up in the triplets blog because I have received concerns about the kids and the influences that this profession can have on them. First My daughter wanted to play with a prop of mine and wanted to pose for photos because she saw me dressing up and taking photos for promotional materials so being the loving father that I am I let her pose with a rubber hatchet in several poses. I was just trying to make her happy and we had fun. After I took the photos one of them came out really great. I mean Stephen King book cover great. Her long hair was dangled over her face so that you couldn't even recognize her. All you could see  was a slight smile and one blue eye looking out through the hair over the blade of a rubber axe.
 As the marketing director I colored the picture handed it to my photoshop guy an turned it into a promo shot, and it looked good. I posted it and there it stood on line for a full two weeks and not a word from any friends or family members. However it was in it's brief time one of our biggest photos with several hundred views within the first week. My daughter was not identified in anyway. She just some kid that happened to look creepy.
 Well at some point the family found out and it created a scandal. Now I am not angry as much as confused by the outrage. I don't believe that I put my daughter at risk in anyway. Have you seen T.V. these days? What type of message is allowed e.g. Miley Cyrus twerking at the MTV video awards and this is the role model for young girls all over the country. But god forbid my daughter hold a rubber axe. I think this is indicative of a much larger problem. I talk to my children about everything , movies, TV, food, the homeless on the streets. They listen to the political talks my wife and I have. And they, when applicable, chime in or ask questions. Why is it that our children are allowed to see people shot and murdered in cartoons and greed is venerated, as evident by or government, And Disney stars become hyper-sexualized drug addicts. But Horror, God forbid, that's where we draw the line.
 The thing is, I strongly believe that I can't shelter my children from the world and would only make myself miserable doing so. So I intend to talk to my children and introduce them to as much as possible and teach them to make informed decisions. I also believe that I can't make my children learn anything I can only help them understand what they learn on their own. My job as a parent is to provide the environment and the resources to learn as much as they want or can and hopefully together we can figure out the rest.

Music makers are the little children.

The kids love the music be it on the radio or Mom and Dad's collection or even random stuff that comes on TV. They dance and sing all the time. Not that any of it is any good but at least they're trying right. They have all expressed desire for different instruments too. Bobby wants a Rock and Roll guitar and Iris wants a microphone and a guitar while Cooper wants a drum set. Now the crazy thing is that we as parents have not tried to guide these desires in the children. They have developed this on their own. That said I want to provide my children all that I can, however I am slightly hesitant to trap my self in a house with three children with what at the very least in the early stages will be very expensive LOUD noise makers. I see all the pros to it and I am glad that my children have a love of music, but can you imagine the cacophony.
 One of the normal things that we do when we're driving is sing. We have quite the repertoire, every thing from Row row your boat to It's only a Paper Moon. The kids like to sing although they don't really like to sing together and it can lead to arguments.
  "But, I was singing that," Says Cooper to Iris.
Then Bobby says, "I don't like that song I want to sing this!"
And it goes on until a parent steps in. They all love to be the center of attention when family is involved. My wife and I have decided in a attempt to harness this power that we are going to teach them a singing routine for Christmas to perform for the family. We have decided to teach them Lyle Lovett's "You're not from Texas" and a line dance. All I can say is wish us luck and if and when we make it happen I can promise you there will be videos.

Discipline is a two way street.

Before my kids were born I was one of those assholes who had a million theories and would be all judgmental to those poor parents who in public had little or know control over their kids. I thought I'm not going to be that guy almost every time I would see a kid out of control and a parent with the look of murder in their eyes and think there has got to be a better way. Before the kids were born I believed that corporal punishment was wrong and that only a monster would hurt their children. I thought screaming and yelling was horrible. And mostly I thought that I would be able to communicate with my children and have discourse and understanding with each other.
 Well I was wrong on several points. I now understand that parents all want the same things that I did and thought in some manner the same naïve way as I before children. All you people whom without children sit on your high horse and judge the parent in public with the caterwauling child, you can just stuff it. You judge off a five minute experience and you have no idea that the child, that perfect angel, has not only crapped the bed that morning and smeared it all over the walls of his bedroom, threw breakfast in his mother's face. Peed on the dog. Pulled a lamp off a table and broke it. Crapped in the car on the way to the store and had to be changed in a parking lot. Threw up over your new shirt that you wore because you were going to have lunch with your spouse that day. And now once you have gotten them in the store and trying to pick up a few things so you can go home and cook dinner, this child has seen the colorful box of tide pods and can't understand why a)they can't have it b) why it isn't a food or toy, and c) why are you such a jerk. All this normally all happens before 10am. It's a miracle more parents just don't snap from the pressure. Every thing I just described can be a normal Tuesday, now make it triplets and everyday and even then you won't get it.
  So I had all these aspirations and reality crashed in. I yell now to maintain control. I have spanked because I would rather hurt them a little then have them learn by being hit by a car because they refused to listen other wise. I have threatened and bullied and pushed and been the villain more times than I can count at this point. On the other hand I constantly receive compliments on how well my children behave and that they follow the rules and say yes ma'am and no sir, please and thank you. They clean up after themselves and they offer to help out with chores around the house. And the reason they do this is not because I am a dictator, but because I this is the behavior I expect and I give them the same respect. I say please and thank you and yes sir and no ma'am. I believe the best leaders lead by example and dictators get over thrown.

T.V. my childrens preferred method of parent torture.

I have seen copious amounts of children's television. And I generally hate all of it. I am serious about my dislike. I tried to watch the shows with the kids, I tried to care. I am inured to the voice of Dora, I can tune out SpongeBob, I can name the My little ponies friendship is magic ponies. I am well versed in paw patrol, Team Umizoomi, Hero Squad, Yo Gabba Gabba, and pound puppies. I have spent so much time watching this stuff that to make it bearable I try to apply Jungian archetypes to the characters.
  I've started trying to introduce the cartoons from my childhood just to get some respite. I have tried PlasticMan, The Real Ghostbusters, Dungeons and Dragons, old Loony Toons, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, all to no avail. The main bane to my life is the dreaded SpongeBob, we have one of those drop down DVD players in the car so of course anytime we're driving to SpongeBob for miles.
 Thankfully when it comes to movies my kids are a lot more open to experience. Oddly enough they love Ghostbusters and slapstick comedies. They have seen the Disney catalogue of course. But their favorite is the classic action movie. Don't get me wrong they all have their favorite type of film but it seems that when it's something that the Wife and I particularly dislike that will be their favorite to the point of nausea.

Hand holding, the art of public travel.

We as a family hold hands a lot. Especially when it's just me and the trips. Every time we go some place public and need to cross a road I make the kids hold hands. Normally it's a kid in either and while the third will hold one of the other's hand. We do this for safety of course. Anytime we go through a parking lot or when we get into large crowds it's just the easiest thing to do and has become second nature for the kids now. I can't imagine what other people think when they see us with me in the lead and the trips all lined up behind me all holding hands, we must make quite the procession.
  On the other hand when the kids and I go shopping I couldn't get anything done if I had the kids in hand every step of the way so we have some rules. They have freedom of movement as long as the never leave my sight. The second they leave my sight I track them down and put them in the cart. This is the way it's been since they could walk safely on their own, and so far it's been working like a charm.
 I have the constant fears of a kid disappearing like any parent. As such there is a portion of my brain that just counts heads on a pretty much constant basis. I do head sweeps with out thought every couple of seconds it is just second nature to me. This becomes difficult while out with other family members. I trust everyone in my family with my kids, If I didn't I would let them near the kids, that said, when the whole family goes to a large public venue like the Zoo or State Fair I have to constantly keep in mind that someone else is there to watch them. It's not easy. I appear standoffish at times because if they decide to take a child off to do something and not tell me I go into count and freak out mode and can little focus on anything else till the count is complete. I must see each child before I can relax. So when this happens I go a little crazy. The easiest thing for me to do is accept the fact that all three kids are being watched and go off and do something or I fear I will micromanage the hell out of my family. When I'm done I come back and run all over hell and high water until I get that head count.
 I'm not sure if this is normal for other parents. But I live in a world of fear when it comes to my children. Those of you that know me know that I confront fear and if something scares me I run headlong into it. When my children are involved I am the most fearful, nervous, and paranoid parent that I have ever met. Though if you asked my kids they would have no idea.
 

Backyard safaris.

My backyard is large and verdant. We have this great backyard view because there is a greenbelt so all you can see is trees and wildlife. This is a awesome environment for the kids. We have put a two story play ground back there, they have a sand box a garden and all sorts of paths and little hidden areas in which to pretend and get lost.
 Since the only thing that separates us from the greenbelt is a back alley neighborhood drive way to all the garages we have a large amount of wildlife that works it's way to the houses. We have every thing you can think of.
 My wife, lovely women that she is, love animals and nature. She likes to go on safaris with the kids in the back yard. Well one day while working in the garden she found a little garden snake and caught it to show the kids. As you can imagine the kids were enthralled. We normally catch lizards and geckos, we see all manner of birds from hawks to blue jays. We have quite the mammal issue as well with skunks and raccoons, squirrels and armadillos, with the occasional possum.
  Well all this leads to the point of this blog. Because of all this familiarity with the local wildlife under my wife's tutelage my children have no fear of animals. One day early this summer I was in the house sitting in a chair while the kids played in the back yard. Blissful quiet, such a rare commodity in this house. I was reading a book when I hear the ruckus and the laughing and yelling coming my way. I'm used to this so I really don't pull my self out of the book. My son Cooper runs up to me and yells "look what we found" and literally throws a living snake into my lap. This brown snake was as thick around as my thumb and about two feet long. My kids learned some new and interesting words that day.

Toys toys toys.

When ever we buy a toy or toys for the triplets we have to ask our selves one question. How can this be used as a weapon? With three kids there is going to be fights over one toy or the other and the children are not afraid to use the toys to help make their point to one another. It's like a microcosm of human relations. We have constant boundary disputes, wars over resources, negotiations over free trade, Proliferation of arms and war crimes. The children normally are good with sharing, but every once in while there is no peace in the kingdom.
  When it comes to personal space the kids have different needs. Cooper is very social and wants to engage the other kids pretty much all the time. Bobby wants his alone time, and Iris is go with the flow, she can do either with out complaint. This creates problems for them.
  Which leads into the open warfare. Yesterday the Bobs was playing quietly in his room with his assortment of cars. When SpongeBob ended in the playroom Cooper decides that he want to find Bobby and play. After thirty minutes Bobby had gotten lost in his world of cars and here comes little brother to harsh his groove. Cooper wanted to play Bobby wanted to play alone. Cooper being the bigger of the two figures the best course of action is to just lay down on Bobby. You know the deal, let gravity do all he work while the person underneath uses all their energy trying to get you off of them. This resulted in both getting a time out. Cooper for restraining and Bobby for not sharing.
  Iris is the most vicious of the trio. She has this attack, I don't know where she learned it, She is fond of the "fish hook." Yesterday in a different incident, Iris fish hooked Cooper when he tried the patented "I'm going to lay on you" technique. They both got the time out. The odd thing is that Iris hardly ever has physical conflict with the boys but when it happens she ends it. The boys on the other hand will fight until a parent has to break it up.
 Bobby is the physical one and he will push, hit, and bite. Odd that he was the one dealing with a bully situation in school. But Bobby is like a bear, leave him alone and he will leave you alone. So regardless of the level of injury, most of the time it's because he was provoked.
 Another triplet issue is the whole "I was playing with that." argument, if someone is playing with some toy and goes to the bathroom unless they hide it, another will come along and take it. I see the seat saved shotgun arguments coming down the road already.
 Having triplets is a whole different ball game than a singleton. my kids are better at sharing and waiting their turn for the most part and on the flip side they know how to stake claims and defend them from outsiders. And lord have mercy when they are unified in a goal. they are a force of nature against which I must be a bulwark and ever vigilant watching for trouble in the tree line.
 

Daddy Issues..Or how I stopped worring and learned to love the atomic bomb.

We all have daddy issues men, women, and pets and the fact of the matter is I am sure that no dad in the world sets out in mind to create them. But yet here we are. I have my fair share of daddy issues to be sure. From my father and I am sure what ever irreparable damage I am dealing out to my children. How do you as a father recognize what the triggers are? You want to be physically affectionate but not to the point where you have to carry your child everywhere. You want to enforce the rules with out creating a environment where the child's only outlet is rebellion. You want them to be safe but you can't lock them up from the world. You want them to read but you don't want to force books on them so much they hate them etc etc.
  I'm torn, my father personally seems indifferent, which has been difficult cause I want him to be around his grandkids and I want my children to know him but words to me is the only action I get and I am required to call him to get those. Now don't get me wrong I love my father and I tend to think I turned out pretty good so I am not saying that he's a bad father or anything just indifferent.
  Because I feel this way I worry greatly that I overcompensate. I mean look at me I am a stay at home dad. I am a member of the PTA. By the third week of school I was having parent teacher conferences. I micromanage the kids and to the point of being a dick the family members for  not respecting the schedule. So in all this I wonder where the daddy issues will play out with my children. Are they going to think I'm over bearing, controlling, a dictator? I don't know only can only hope they know I love them and would stand defiant against the mongol hordes for them.

Words, they're all we have to go on.

I am a classic bibliophile as well as my wife. Almost to a hording degree. Every room in our house has books. Because of this our children from the beginning have taken to books like a fish to water. They all have bookshelves in the their rooms. They all have their own books that normally stay in their beds with them. And every night we read to them. At the start of pre-k this yea we started the Wind and The Willows. My wife or I read a chapter each night before bed.    
   My daughter Iris has what you could call a book problem. If left to her own devices she will just sit and thumb through her books. She has piles of books in her bed. When she is not reading she is trying to draw and write. She is obsessed with letters and all things bookish. She does have this major personality flaw though, She is very conceited. If you ask her anything about how cute she is or how smart she say "I know." I'd hate to think I'm raising a self absorbed bitch.
   Cooper on the other hand is all numbers he like to count every thing like the Count from Sesame St. it's crazy the boy is four and he's running around counting and he has already figured out how to do simple addition, to see his face light up when we tell him he got it right startles me. I have no great love for math, so where his desire comes from I don't know. What I do know is that I will continue to encourage it. Now Cooper is super controlling of the other two. It's not that he's a bully he is more of the emotional blackmailer of the three. Out of all three children he is the most likely to think crying will get his way.
   Bobby is my boys boy. He likes all things that go vroom. He wants speed and he wants it now. It's the oddest thing but the boy came out of the womb just loving cars. I have never experienced anything like it. And it's constant through his life. You ask him what he likes when he's one he points at cars. You ask him hat he likes now he will tell you about different cars to the point of nausea. Bobby is also the gross motor skills kid of the bunch not so much fine motor skills more kickball less etch a sketch. He also tends to muscle his siblings around though he is totally non aggressive with other children, only getting physical with his brother and sister.
  All three children are so different in temperament and likes it's very strange. It gives one a very different perspective on the whole nature versus nurture argument. I have learned you can't teach nature but you can teach consequences.

Pictures and the videos with which to torture.

I made a promise right before I had kids that I was not going to be that guy. You know the guy who traps you and makes you look at picture after picture of his kid. "oh this is little jimmy looking left, and here he is looking right, and here he his looking at mommy, and here I don't know what he's looking at but isn't he cute etc etc."
   I hate that. I tried very hard not to be that guy. Then the kids came and when your kids come you must absolutely document every waking moment for at least the first year. You see, it's not that you become this voyeuristic monster, it's because babies don't do much and you want to engage with them and show off your offspring. So you do what every parent does you take photos. You take thousands of photos. You take hours of video. Then when your kid is sleeping you watch the videos and you look through the pictures looking for the best examples of your spawn's cuteness in which to spring on any hapless fool who dares ask about the children.
  This is why I created a facebook page, I made the page as a kind of purge for me. It gave me a place to vomit all the best hits of my triplets photos. I did this so that any family or friends who had any interest could at their leisure peruse the picocalypse. As my friends can attest I really don't talk about the kids all that much unless the story be real funny. I guess this blog is a similar cathartic outlet. If in public I will say that I am a SAHD of triplets and the what not. If I do show a picture it's just the one I have in my wallet, not the hundreds on my phone.
  I love my children and I think the are special and cute and do amazing things. That said, I don't expect you to feel the same way about any kids other than your own. Oh sure other kids might be one thing or the other, especially if your talking to their parents, but generally if they were not your kids they are a lot less cute, amazing, and well behaved. If you don't believe me think about this little thing. Have you ever seen an ugly baby? and if so did you say " wow your baby is hideous"  No we save those comments for some other time. No one thinks their baby is the atrocious little troll the rest of the people in the world see. And remember as a parent, others feel that way about your kid.

Rubber Duckie is trying to kill me

Lets talk about baths today. You have got to understand that washing three babies is much different than bathing three toddlers. Babies are all cute and coo. You splash a little water here and there a touch of soap a little shampoo a dash of powder after a dry off and voila, clean little baby. A toddler can be as calm as a placid pool or the very fury of a hurricane.  In the early days we would bathe one child at a time in these little buckets which you would set up on the counter and use the sink to provide the water. They may cry if the water was to hot or cold. but other wise they was very little problem, unless we had a pooper. Poop in the bath is a bad day for everyone. Thankfully that has only happened a handful of times. Until recently we would wash all three kids at the same time in the bath. They would fight over toys and tend to splash, so what parents need to keep in mind is that you are not going to stay dry. It may be possible to stay dry with a single child, not with three. Sometimes I really just wanted to get a huge spoon and stir the children in the bathtub like a stew. You have to wash all their little cracks and crannies. Their pits and their bits. You have to make sure you get the ears and behind their ears, between the toes. It's labor intensive and as they moved from the counter to the actual bath the strain on the knees and back have increased. Once all three are clean and ready for departure, you get them out one at a time to dry off, apply lotion, and dry hair. We normally finish the bathroom routine with the brushing of the teeth. Thankfully the kids are coming of age where they can do a good deal of the personal cleaning in the bath themselves with supervision. And no they don't all still bathe together, it's faster and less wet on me and my floor when we do one at a time. I do love being so necessary in my children's life but a part of me is excited for when they can bathe themselves.

Schooling for the wee ones.

Our kids love school. We started them early by putting them in a dinosaur camp summer program which helped get them used to the idea. They have also been to Sunday school a couple of times and all last year they were in a three year old art based structured to be like school day school at a local church, but this year is the big year and they have officially started public school. Now things are a little different. You see in the past four years that I have had the kids at home we have worked on spelling and writing and math as well as self reliance skills and manners to name a few of the concepts I thought was important. We read to the kids all the time we make them line up and say please and thank you. We make the kids clean up their rooms and play areas. We make them ask before they leave the dinner table. We have the kids help out with laundry and brush their teeth twice a day. I thought this was normal. But now that we are in public school I find that what we did with our kids is not the norm. There is a child in the kindergarten ahead of my kids that is socially and intellectually that of a two year old due to neglect. I would have never thought that would be the case. I send my children to public school and now I fear them picking up bad habits from other children. Because of some issues with another child my oldest Bobby became afraid to go to school. There was another child in the class being physically abusive to him and the others as well, but seemed to target Bobby the most. Things such as taking his name tag and school supplies, pushing and twisting his arm to bending his fingers back. I spoke to the teacher and I felt like I was brushed off with kids will be kids. I told Bobby that the next time the kids stated messing with him to get real loud and say "Don't touch me!" Which I was told by the kids the following day that Bobby got in trouble for being loud in class. Well what am I to do at this point? Teach Bobby how to break a kids arm or his nose or pass my concerns up the chain of command. I decided on the latter.
 It's weird going in to sit in the Vice Principals office for a parent teacher conference. You see I used a buzz word in my email to the administration. I used the word bullying. Did you know that got me into the see the teacher and vice principal the very next day. I don't know about most parents but I love my kids and more over I like my kids, I enjoy spending time with them and I talk to them and listen to them. I am my children's advocate if I can't find a solution within the system I can dam well promise you I will find one outside of the system. The most surprising thing to me has been how some parents just don't give a shit. And we wonder about the state of the world.

The day a pack n' play almost killed me.

I don't know how much experience you have with putting together baby stuff but when your a new father who's only sleeping in two hour segments at a time, the smallest of details can and will be your undoing. So we're in about the second week of having the children home so suffice it to say my wife and I are zombies in all manner except for the brain eating part. And at the baby shower we got some pack n plays. We thought these might be handy to have around the house for a safe place to put a kid while dealing with another. So during one of the times that all the kids were all asleep I decided to unpack one of the pack n plays and put it together, you know for science. I was so  inured to lack of sleep that I was not thinking clearly. When I pulled it out of the box it seemed easy enough you click the center bars and plug in to corners and put the folded floor board in the bottom and presto fully realized pack n play. The thing is I could not slide the support bars into the corners. It was so close to just being able to slide into the locking position that I could not believe how difficult it was to do this. I was pulling and pushing I at one point was using both feet  to push while I was pushing on the other end like a cartoon character trying to keep a lion from biting him. That didn't work. I must have struggled with that thing for a good 10 minutes. And when I say struggle I mean I was sweaty and breathing heavily, all red in the face and pissed. I sat there thinking what the hell, this dam thing is supposed to be easy to do, I mean it's a fricking pack n play you're supposed to be able to set this thing up in seconds. My wife had been in the kitchen and was listening to my epic battle, at this point she walks into the room and asks me if I read the instructions, to which I replied that I had, not in a pleasant manner mind you. She walked over and picks up the instructions and noticed one little detail that I had missed. The cross bars of the pack n play have a button hinge that allows you to put the cross bars in the corner pieces, then you straighten the bars till they click. You see, I had straightened the bars before putting them in the corners. My Advice is when you're a brand new father in the depths of no sleep land, read the instructions twice.

Laundry or I am Sisyphus.

To start with, I am so tired of laundry, it never ends. My kids go through three different outfits a day. you got pajamas, school clothes, and play clothes. With the trips that is nine sets of outfits a day. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. My trick is I don't think about it I just do it. I have it set up on a schedule and this is how it goes. I do laundry on Monday and Wednesday for the kids. And then I get to do mine on Friday. Thursday is all about sheets and towels. Then my lovely wife gets to do her laundry on the weekends. This is why I feel like Sisyphus who for a crime against the gods - the specifics of which are variously reported - he was condemned to an eternity at hard labor. For his assignment was to roll a great boulder to the top of a hill. Only every time Sisyphus attained the summit, the darn thing rolled back down again. Only laundry instead of boulder. I have nightmares of being drowned in piles of laundry if I decide to skip a day. It builds up so quickly. And the thing I dislike about laundry is not the washing our drying or putting it back up. Dear lord it's the folding the endless folding, Paring socks, matching up outfits ad nauseum. The only benefit is that during that time I get to watch TV, if the kids let me, kid friendly TV. Thankfully the children are starting to help out with the laundry. If I call them they will come and take types of laundry to it's respective places. be it socks or underwear or other types as the case may be. Unfortunately none of them can use a hanger for shit. I can tell you that if money was no object I would do one of two things. One I would hire someone to do all this laundry and if that was not possible, I would burn everything and just buy new clothes weekly. Nudists may have a good idea.

Dinner out with the trips

We as a family tend to eat out on the weekends, mainly for the breakfast meal. A lot of people shudder at the thought of taking the triplets out to breakfast because of all the work you might think is involved. It's really not that bad. At this point the kids do the most of the heavy lifting when it comes to getting dressed. So that is not a problem. The problem is getting up early enough to beat the crowds. Again the kids tend to wake up early so the real issue is Mom an Dad crawling out of bed. For us, sleeping late consists of eight o' clock. So let's say that we are up and dressed and loaded into the car, " a thirty minute process." We now have to pick where we are going to go. Which normally takes place while we are driving around. When we do settle on our breakfast place we park and unload the and head in the doors. Now a little background, we have a couple of local places that we like to go for breakfast. One of the places love us. we have been going there the entire time we have lived here. The wait staff know us and think our kids are super cute and well behaved. And it's true our kids are really good in public. Why, once when the kids were very young, we're talking about two and some change, went to this place and got the normal glares and sighs from the patrons. Long story short the kids were so good and well behaved that another couple paid for our breakfast.  On a side note unless you have children you may not be aware of the pure hatred you receive as a parent when going to places like movies or restaurants. People tend to either have children and understand or don't have kids and believe that any children are going to cry and stink up the place. Today I learned that children deal with prejudice, even if it is handled by their parents. Now to be fair there are some horrible children out there but really is it the kids fault or should we blame the parents? I tend to rest in the blame the parents camp, I am just incredibly lucky to have children that came out respecting the unspoken rules of society. Really I think that children are easy to understand, their desires are very simple to get. Children are not filled with subterfuge. The better you know your children the better they behave. This is why I think it's such a blessing that I have been able to be a stay at home dad. I know my kids and they know me so the lines of communication are very clear, and they don't have to lash out to get my attention or my wife's attention. I believe that the majority of tantrums and crying episodes in public are the only way that a child can gain control of a situation or get their parents attention. Since my children don't have those issues we know that when they cry there is normally a good reason. Unless it's past their bed time them all bets are off, then we have the kids that you don't want to sit next to anywhere. The next time your are next to some parents in public with children acting all the fool rather than get all pissy and judgemental consider you self lucky because those poor parents have to go home with that child.

Baby proofing is a lie.

Before the kids were born I was set into the panic that all new parents feel about security of the baby or babies in my case. How can you possibly keep them safe in my home much less the world? It all started with long talks and thinking about the subject. If you don't know me I am a plodder and planner. I will think about something for days before I make a decision and when it came to baby proofing I thought about it and talked to every parent I could. I like to gather as much information and opinions as possible so I can get to the truth of a matter. And the simple truth is this. The best baby proofing in the world is a involved parent. Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that you can do to make your life easier but baby proofing is no substitute for being aware and present. Truth be told the only thing that we did was move things out of reach, provide areas in which the kids could play and baby gates. I never put locks on drawers or cabinets. Although the room we prepared for the kids "the play room" was lined with those soft interlocking squares due to the fact the majority of our house has hard floors. I never had to lock down a toilet. Out of all the safety issues with the triplets gravity has been the harshest instructor. Not eating cleaning supplies, Not swallowing dangerous items, and not getting into things that they are not supposed to. The children have a very clear set of boundaries that they respect because we respect their boundaries. I feel that a lot of people view their children as something they possess. Look how I dress them, look how well they do in school, look how blah blah blah. I personally believe that they are individual people with all the rights that we are supposed to give the individual. I am responsible for them but that does not mean I make their decisions for them. All I can do is either allow their decision or not and then we deal with the consequences. I have seen so many parents get so frustrated trying to control their children and from what I have seen that makes no one happy. I love my children but I also expect them to listen to me and in order for them to listen to me I have to listen to them. Respect is a two way street. So far it's been working and we have had little or no problems. I am tired all the time from constant vigilance but as they age it only gets easier physically to protect them in the home.

Live or die by the schedule.

I can tell you that having triplets that they only way that we survived is the schedule. We have them all on the same time management plan because I could not even think of each one off doing their own thing as far as time goes. This process all started in the NICU and we just kept it going. When I say schedule I want to impress that everything from food to diapers to sleep to daily routine. This helped us maintain sanity, slip shod at best, but sanity nonetheless. Four years down the road we still stick to it. The kids are in bed by seven each night weekend or holiday the only change in schedule comes during vacation or special night time events like the Fourth of July or Halloween. Those are the special occasions not because it's a privilege for the children to stay up but because that is when those events take place. I assure that the kids are melty and prone to fits and tantrums at least a hour past their bedtime, which is no fun for anyone. In truth the way I hold to the schedule I have been accused of being a tiger parent or helicopter parent and that could not be further from the truth. The children have a large amount of free time to do as they wish albeit in a controlled setting. That being the house and yard, playground, or other places of child friendly environments. That said there is no possible way that I could hover over each child, as it is I am constantly doing a three person head count any time that we are in public. I'm sure that we make quite the sight with me in the lead and my kids all in a duck row behind me unless crossing a street or parking lot then we all hold hands. I am so grateful that I have such wonderful children that follow the rules while out in public. They must always be in sight of me until I tell them otherwise then all bets are off. I have this one park I like cause there is only one entrance same as exit. It makes my life easier cause I plant my self at the entrance and allow the kids free reign. They get to play alone or together as they want. I think we all like having a best friend but nobody fights like siblings. These guys are each others best friends worst enemy and comfort providers. There are times when my wife or I need to run an errand and we will take one kids while the other two stay at home with the other parent, or we split up if all together in public and the change that comes over the kids is pretty drastic. Iris goes all shy and quiet. Bobby gets a little more reserved in action and speak. Where as Cooper tends to turn into  a public speaker. Together all bets are off. I try to feed them at the same time every day which in turn helps the bathroom stay on the same schedule. They sleep  at the same time so they get up at the same time. As long as you have the tent poles of the schedule set at static times the rest is much less difficult to deal with. The only problem I have had with this system is that other people when watching the kids either don't follow the schedule or don't care then wonder why the kids are difficult to deal with.

Food, Feast, and Famine through the eyes of triplets.

My kids like to eat all manner of things, which is a blessing. Any of you who have picky kids know what I'm talking about. The trick was once we got them off the formula was to keep introducing new and varied tastes. This said the main draw back is that nothing in my kitchen is safe. They say caring is sharing but with three little sharks swarming me like blood in the water any time I decide to have a snack it is difficult. I mean it's so constant, so much so, that I don't eat unless the kids are eating or distracted, if not it's a constant barrage of "what's you eating?" "Can I have some?" "Daddy, I'm starving!" Like any of these kids have ever gone hungry a day in their lives. I have tried to convince them that anything that daddy eats is spicy and to hot for them. Now my son Cooper likes spicy food, gone is the last refuge of my snack haven. They eat copious amounts of food as well. In a single week we can easily go through 52 eggs served up just for the different breakfasts. A box of cereal will run out in two days if they are all eating the same. We eat a full pound of strawberries with breakfast. Although in this house the largest meal of the day is breakfast. For a normal breakfast, ten pieces of sausage, twelve eggs, 8 biscuits, a pound of strawberries, Half a gallon of orange juice, and Daddy's coffee. These kids are four. I will have to get a second mortgage to feed them through puberty. Great things though is now we can go anywhere out to eat any meal of the day. We can even go get Sushi now. The kids have tried almost every type of food out there, they really like Italian food with Chinese being a close second. Now with three they each have their favorites Except for Cooper he eats anything. The boy is slim as a rail but must have the metabolism of a jackrabbit cause the boy would eat all day like a hobbit if I let him. Iris is the nibbler of the group and the slowest eater. This girl can make a hour long meal out of a cup of juice and a muffin, I think she would do well in France. Bobby, when he remembers to eat he eats well, but only if he is in the mood. If he is distracted he will go all day with out thinking about being hungry. So his appetite tends to follow his mood more than anything else. Because of the kids I have learned so much more about cooking since I take care of the majority of fuel these little people use to function. When I said famine in the title I really meant for me and how I can't snack attack anymore and dammit I miss it.

The things people say to the SAHD.

I have never been as unprepared as I was when the comments started from complete and total strangers in public about the triplets. You would not believe the sexism I receive from women and men when I'm out and about. You see I do the majority of the shopping and cooking that is required to maintain the household. I really try to be the perfect fifty's house wife. I fail a lot in that regard, I have accepted that I am not June Cleaver. But back to the point. Here is a small sample of the things that are said to me or asked,
" Are they natural ?"
"Are you sure they're triplets?"
"Boy, I bet you got you hands full."
"Those are triplets, thank god I don't have triplets."
"I don't know how you do it."
 When out in public once A women asked "Oh so mom has the day off huh?" to which I replied "No, I'm a stay at home dad." This women said, "well now you know how it feels!" What ever that's supposed to mean?
"Oh are they twins?" I say " No, they're triplets." and they say something like "All three?"
 I have had people flat out refuse to believe me that the kids were triplets. Women ask me all the time when I'm out with the kids "where mom is?" and then look chagrined when I point out that I'm a stay at home dad. So I would like to use this platform to address some of this annoyance.
"No, we cloned the kids in a secret lab."
" They were twins but the hospitable had a buy two get one free and we thought it was easier to just say they are triplets"
" well the kids are currently walking now so I don't have to carry them as much."
"If I didn't take care of the kids what kind of person would I be?"
Also the touching, sweet Jesus, the touching. It was much worse when the kids were babies since it does not really happen now that they are older but back when they were babies it was awful! We could not go out in public without some slew of retiree armchair grandmas drawn to the babies like vampires trying to drain youth. Don't get me wrong I think my kids are cute and I love them, that said I don't want to hear about some strangers grandbabies or lack there of when I'm out trying to have a nice day with my family. Simply, I do not care. If you feel you must address me and my children I would prefer that you kept your comments positive because you know my kids are not deaf and I promise you that they get enough negativity from my inherent cynicism, such that I am not really looking for any help in that regard. On the other hand I do receive tons of compliments on how wonderful my children behave, how they wait their turn, how they are quiet and polite. How they have good manners and say please and thank you, and when I receive these compliments it's normally followed by I should tell the mother what a great job she's doing. At the end of the day being a SAHD is the best job I have ever had and I am so thankful to my wife and all the wonderful support. And I am learning to ignore the comments from strangers, I just hope that my children can do the same.

Babies have a dark side.

We are going to talk about poop. When you have a child for awhile your entire world becomes an exercise of food going in and poop and other waste coming out. I couldn't possibly count the number of times that I have had some sort of bodily fluid violently projected onto me from one end or the other. I went into this knowing that I was going to have to change diapers and I can tell you that I am the diaper changing master at this point. Lets just say that each kid went through six diapers a day. That is 540 diapers a month and 6,480 a year. My kids were in diapers till about three and a half, with some diapers here and there, but just thinking three and a half years that's 29,160 diapers.  
 During the diaper ages people would always ask me how are you doing it? Cloth or disposable? This is a hotly debated topic among the young parent community. With strong proponents on both sides. Rather than rehash all the arguments that I got into for using disposable, and I promise you there was a few. The simple fact of it was a cost and time issue. The water waste and cost of constantly running a washing and drying machine for three years was more costly then working with disposable in time and money. When you have babies you are or should become its' slave. The only real control you have over that baby is deciding want over need. You want to sleep but you need to feed the baby. You want to use the bathroom you need to stop that baby from wiping crap on your couch.
  For the first couple of years need will consume your life and want will be a dream. You may not know it but, when a child goes potty by themselves for the first time, it's like the angels themselves came and lifted a burden from your shoulders. You must never take that for granted. To this day I keep a little training potty in the car incase of the randomness of life, and a couple of time I have had to stop for the kids to go to the bathroom in the car. Which is awful when one has a barnburner in a car it can really be a rough experience for everyone. Also before the kids I was not very careful about diet. Know I know that what goes in is what comes out or doesn't come out as the case may be. All it takes is one painful poop for a baby for them to just not want to poop. I really don't know how this mewling little person has the ability to decide not to poop but somehow some manage to do so. Requires doctor visits and stool softeners and fiber and fruit but not to much fruit or that's a whole other problem. But as any thing with experience it just becomes another thing you manage with out having to think about. It gets better. Since I have boys there is the fountain effect, There is the off chance that when you have boys and you go to change their diaper that once the cold air hits their junk that a stream of golden piss will hit you squarely on your nicest clothes or your hair or even worse places. This never happened to me. I saw it happen to family members and my wife once but never to me. Just luck I guess but it does happen it's not just a parenting cliché. Not so much with the girl, although she has puked on me the most and she is the one that has the most "I pooped in the bath" points out of the three kiddos. As cute as kids are there sure is a lot of technical work in the back end.