New Years Eve

Over the past year the kids turned 4 started public school in Pre-k. They have had all manner of adventures from going to the beach to traveling all over north Texas. Iris got her first Pixie hair cut and the boys got mohawks. We have accumulated more toy cars than has got to be necessary and my daughter is just getting more and more into princesses. My daughter must have more dolls than some third world countries. The children have learned the value of allowance and now are always asking for chores to do and we give them chores to do. They are dressing themselves and getting their own drinks. They have homework and enjoy doing it. Iris loves her art and the boys love to fight. During the summer we would all go to the movies together and have lunch. We have been to parks and learned to play basketball. The children have also made friends in school and confronted a bully. All in all it's been a wonderful year and I can't wait to see what 2014 brings.

Now that the holidays are over.

We seem to have quite the influx of toys and other sundry kids stuff it would seem it's time for the purge. We have so many toys it's silly. My boys have a ten gallon tub filled with matchbox cars. My girl has more dresses and jewelry than a princess at this point. The kids have all manner of playsets and dolls along side of games and car tracks. A huge tub of dinosaurs and video games and enough new clothes to merit three loads of laundry. I think that I may be poor but my children are doing pretty well. Now for the parents, the  main thing that we got for Christmas is sticker shock. I am dreading the final bill since I am loath to count that high when it comes to money. But when the kids loose their minds over the Santa experience, that is something that has no price.

This year the kids are almost Five so the whole Christmas thing is really coming into full comprehension in their candy riddled minds and this is the bee's knees. This year we also introduced the fact that they give gifts to each other and to us as parents. This is the year that the kids were able to do the Christmas pickle game. You know where you hide a pickle ornament in the boughs of the tree and the first one who finds it get a special present. The present this year was a yodeling pickle, So that is fun and very loud. Thankfully the children are well behaved and had a wonderful time and I can assure you that they are already asking when Santa will  come by again.

Christmas Eve with the triplets.

On this morning we have just gotten back from eating breakfast out. And My wife making sweet potato casserole for the dinner coming up. And the kids wander the house talking in delighted tone as they prepare for their Christmas haul. I sit and enjoy my coffee. So far it's been a great Christmas and soon the chaos of the true holiday will start and we create strata of wrapping paper and lose the children in layers of discarded paper and bows. So fun, and while speaking of todays lunch engagement.

My Father in law bought FIVE pounds of shrimp to feed the family for a light and easy lunch before the presents. My Mother in law has also decided to cook a double digit turkey for a light and easy lunch. Now since the turkey will be taking up the center piece of the table I know that my Father in law will be needing to move that shrimp like a used car sales man.
"You know what goes good with pie, SHRIMP!"
" You want a little after dinner shrimp?"
"You want some shrimp in your eggnog?"
"Hey everybody gets shrimp for Christmas."
"Why is my stocking wet?"

And now we enjoy the Shrimp who stole Christmas, and to all a good night.

Christmas Vacation

I am not sure how most parents do it. I don't understand how the children get two weeks off of school and the parents are lucky to get the day before and after Christmas off. What do you do with the children? What do you do with the young children? Thankfully being a SAHD there is someone home with the kids. I can't even imagine what we would be doing as parents if both of us worked during their winter break.

Talking without speaking.

When the children were babies I wanted nothing more than for them to be able to speak in order to tell me their wants and needs. Now oh sweet jebus now I want nothing more than to be able to complete a single task without being asked the same question ad nauseam. My children have gotten into the habit of repeating them selves until you answer. It is the most annoying thing because it's not like they give you a chance to respond, and it's even worse when it's not even a question. I have read the illusions of the perfect parent with the clean house and that loves the dulcet tones of their heavenly children. I on the other hand was there when my three children were ushered into this world and it was bloody, messy, loud, and stressful and to believe that it will ever be other wise is fallacy though I wouldn't change it for the world.

The Elf on the Shelf, pratice for a surveillance state?

My wife and I have talked about getting into the whole Elf on the Shelf trend and having it watch the children. Hide it around the house and help keep track of the children's seasonal comings and goings. Is it just me but does this not seem a little weird. I mean here we are teaching our children to always be aware that they are being watched at all times doing all things. It seems to me that this practice is designed to make our children comfortable living in a surveillance state. What is the next step? The Santa Cam? The Santa GPS ankle monitor? Your own private NSA agent that reports back to Santa?

I know that this will not be popular opinion amongst the parent set, but I feel it's odd that we would want to teach our kids that they are always under surveillance. Is this even our idea as parents? I know that the tradition of Santa is that he knows what you've been doing and all that. Santa is a magical being and his motives can not be questioned as he is the giver of gifts. We should also be glad that Santa is a job provider, I just don't believe that he should employ his own surveillance teams of sycophantic tattle tale elves.

In my house Santa knows because Mommy and Daddy knows and we have a direct line to Santa. We take the kids to see him. We know where to send the wish list. And we allow him in the house to deliver the presents and that being the case, I accept responsibility for Santa and don't need a go between.

Doctors are not always worth it.

So the children all have this persistent cough that has lasted for over a week. We have tried everything under the sun to manage and improve their health. All kinds of natural cough suppression and pharmaceutical relief, even humidifiers and hot drinks, Alas nothing has really helped except keeping it from being worse. My poor daughter is in pain from the coughing. So we decided to take the kids to the doctor before school to see what could be done.

I load the kids up after setting the appointment and away we go. It's always fun to get there a little early to fill out the paper work and the what not. What is decidedly not fun is getting there on time and getting checked in only to see people after you come in get checked in and get called back to the doctor before you and after your scheduled time.

The doctor calls us back and does every single test I do at home before I even left. He checks their O2 levels, listens to their breathing hears them cough and evaluates their energy levels. All of which I could have told him had he bothered to ask. At the end this diagnostician was able to discern that the children had a cough and that there was nothing that he could do for it. That will be $75 please. So I spent the better part of two hours ferreting the children back and forth to the doctor and spending much needed Christmas money for a ten minute cursory glance to tell me "eh, shit happens and welcome to winter."

Last night a first.

My daughter wet the bed and came to sleep with us adults last night. She's a kicker and a noisy sleeper. Neither my wife nor I slept very well last night. My daughter on the other hand slept very well.

When I got up this morning to go into the kitchen to do the breakfast for the family, Cooper runs up to me and says "I can't find Iris and there were some scary noises."

Iris who was a few steps behind me said "I'm not gone, I slept with the adults!"

Cooper was crestfallen that he did not do that as well. I feel that the time of bed invasions have begun.

Where do you hide the children's gifts?

As the kids get older I am now faced with a new Christmas dilemma. Where to put the gifts. For the past years it's been easy enough to hide them in a closet or attic as the case may be. Now that they are older, they are getting sharper of eye and we must practice more and more subterfuge to stash the goodies. I know that a lot of you may enlist the aid of neighbors or family members to secret away the magic and I am sure that will soon be a necessary step as the children age. But I ask you dear reader what is the best way to hide said gifts with out actually renting a storage unit for the month of December?

icepocalypse 2013

Day four of the icepocalypse. We have been trapped inside for four days and the madness has started to take root in the children. They have started talking in nonesenseical noise. The cabin fever has started to erode the stalwart mind of the adults. We have seen to much white and the inside of this home. The walls are starting to close in and the children are getting louder and louder. All work and no outside makes Dad a crazy man. At the very least we have not lost power during the winter isolation. I don't know what would have happened had we lost power.

When school is cancelled.

Here in Texas we don't normally have to close school due to weather but when we do the northerners think that we are crazy. We get a inch of ice everywhere the whole metroplex shuts down. When this is the case I then become trapped at home with the kids. What to do with the time? It's not like ice is any fun to play on or throw around. So now the kids will go stir crazy and I can't just send them to the back yard. looks like movie day for us or just maybe a Firefly marathon with a nice fire to combat the cold.

The Santa photo problem.

Every year we have tried to go to a mall or some other such place and get the kids photographed with Santa. We have managed to pull it off once in a public setting when they were on their first Christmas and not in any public setting since. The lines are always crazy and I may be a curmudgeon but I think waiting in line for three hours is flat out stupid. Your telling me that I need to wait in line with triplets and keep them entertained for hours at a time while standing and then pay some fat man for the privilege to put my children in this strangers lap?
  It has never worked out for me and the family. I try to take other chances to get that photo done and I am almost decided to go ahead and buy a Santa costume and have a nice photo shoot for friends and family because this public Santa is for the birds.

Sand.

I can't stand sand! If it wasn't for sand, the beach would be really nice. If it wasn't for sand playgrounds would be a lot more relaxing for me as a parent. I have to say that kids tend to be sticky about the hands and face in particular. Sand is the worst. it gets into everything. And if that wasn't bad enough it seems to self propagate from within their clothing. Now the inside of the children's playroom and the back of my van look like the beginnings of a desert just from the sand in their shoes. The bottom of the bath tub looks like a riverbed and when the kids would shake their heads the sand would cascade spreading it's filth into my home. For the now unforeseen future we will be eating sand and slipping on it and finding it everywhere. I don't know about anybody else but for me sand have never ever been worth the endless cleanup for a hour worth of play. If people can't understand my point you either don't have children or have never let them in sand. And if you still think that I am unreasonable then I challenge you to let my children into your home after one hour in a sand box and you can tell me how that works out for you.

Into the breach.

Today being a special day the kids went to school at 8am instead of the their normal time at 12pm.
Let me tell you that is was an eye opening experience.

It was like storming the beaches of Normandy, you had to be fast and aggressive and constantly look for cover. There were cars zipping back and forth and cutting people off, there was gestures and yelling from the parents fighting the surging tide of manic P.T.A. officers attempting to direct the madness. There was the administration out in their winter gear overlooking the battle field and the cries of the children as they worm there way to their daily duty.

I can only assume this is normal daily operation at every school across the country when the morning bell rings. It's the little things that age you.

The first fire of the season.

We have a fireplace in the house and my wife and I really like a fire and now our kids do too. When we get one up and going they will sit there for at least thirty minutes watching it grow and become a large fire. Sometimes my wife and I will just sit in front of the fire and the kids will come and sit in our laps. The weird thing is that no one really speaks or fights or fusses, we all just sit and watch the fire burn. It's very relaxing.

The weather children

Since the kids were very young I have noticed that are subject to the changes in weather better than any barometer. By the way they act I can tell when it's going to rain or get cold or be really dry. It's funny how no one bothered to tell me that kids were capable of such things. It's crazy, it's not like the watch the news or have weather apps on their imaginary smart phones. It's just that they seem to know as dictated by their behavior.

If it's going to rain the kids get really fussy and despondent until the rain hits then it's all bets off as they go crazy like a bubble popped. When it gets cold they get real sleepy like a bear getting ready for hibernation. Which makes for easy mornings since they don't want to get out of their warm beds.

Does anyone else notice how the weather affects their children or do I just have weirdos?

Rambunctious is the watch word.

My kids when separate are angelic wonderful delights of all that parents hope for and see through rose colored glasses. When together it's party time 24/7. You parents of singletons have the grace to go home after a play date you get to go wind down and get into a rhythm with your precious little angel. Where as here it's a play date during every waking minute.

In some ways it's wonderful because my children don't solely depend on me for entertainment but on the other hand it's NEVER quiet. At least they don't constantly fight. If their play habits are any indication, then I can only assume that when puberty hits the fights will start in earnest between the kids for privacy and bathroom time or etc. I am going to loose my mind.

I'm going to confess something now. When my kids were born I was so excited and proud that I couldn't wait to help them explore the world. When they walked I cheered. When they said dad the first time I got choked up. When they went to school the first time it was heartbreaking. Now though I cringe when I here the word "Daddy"

The word "Daddy" is very rarely followed but "I love you"
 or "Thank you."
 It's normally followed by "I want you to buy this."
"Somebody hit me."
"Why does....." etc. etc.

It's a constant stream of consciousness pouring out of three four year olds.

Kids are bad for your nerves.

It is amazing how often my wife or I will walk into a room and see something that just makes the heart stop. Like Bobby standing on top of his bunk bed about to do a flying clothesline on Cooper. Funny that they don't watch wrestling. Or when Cooper is playing leap frog with the kitchen furniture and falls and splits his lip.

But so far my daughter Iris has the best scare technique of the three. You see the boys are fear by association of the dangerous activities that they get into Iris is the stealthy one, the quiet one, the one you never see coming. As to hear my wife tell it.

When I was working nights my wife thought it wise to leave the bedroom door open so as to hear the kids in case of trouble. Well one night while dead asleep she feels something brushing her leg. assuming its the dog she doesn't really come full wakefulness. The brushing continued up her leg until she could make out the impression of a little hand. She described it as like a little ghost hand since my daughter has a light touch. At this point Maureen still didn't know is was Iris. Maureen's eyes open and she was on her side facing the inside of the bed and saw the dog that she had previously thought was the one touching her. Needless to say she flipped over pretty quick to see what was touching her in the dead of night. And there looming not a foot away was the earnest stare of Iris saying "Mommy is it morning?"

Maureen almost had a heart attack and now she keeps the bedroom door closed and have taught the kids to knock before the enter.

Triplets and the paper work.

So now that my kids are well versed in the alphabet and numbers the amount of paper work that they produce is maddening. Iris is not content to simply write a note in Iris language but must write copious amounts. Yesterday she wrote me a twenty five page note. Cooper really likes the math. He likes to count and add things up which I find a little weird but grateful and will support his love of math. Bobby on the other hand is not a writer or mathematician per say. It's not that he can't write his letters or do simple math it's just his interests lie more in the playing with his imagination and alone while the kids produce paper after paper of scribbles, letters, and numbers.

Now if Iris isn't writing she's drawing. The majority of her free time at home is either spent reading in her way or producing something at the point of a crayon. Which is great and wonderful except for the fact my house constantly looks like a ticker tape parade has just passed through. And don't even get me started on stickers.

Friday night Pizza nights.

On Fridays my wife started a new tradition while I was working the haunt. She started serving pizza in the living room and watching a movie allowing the kids to stay up late and eat in the living room.
Needless to say the kids love it. It allows the kids to really eat at their own pace. It took the entire movie for Iris to eat her pizza. The boys on the other hand tend to scarf their food down. The movie this last Friday was Monsters University and it was a hit in the house. The best thing about Friday movie night is that the kids stay up later and when it's over they go right to sleep with little or no problems. They still get up at six in the morning though.

Late night rescue

On Thursdays my wife has the night off. which means that she come homes late after the children have been put to bed. It was a trade off from when I used to go out on Friday nights for game night. Well last night as she was leaving a place about to head home for the evening she finds that her car won't start. At this point the kids were already asleep. So when my wife calls to tell me that the car is dead we talk over our options and settle on me coming to help out. I got the kids up having to carry Cooper and Iris individually to the van. Bobby got up and made it out on his own. The kids were super groggy as I got them fastened into their car seats. Then we backed out of the driveway. The kids commented on how scary our alley was since it was dark outside. Then it turned into a game of look at all the lights. We made it all the way to Mommy and she ended up only needing a jump for the battery, "Whew!" The kids did great, didn't get upset once and for being so good on the way to Mom and waiting while we jumped the car we watched SpongeBob Squarepants on the ride back home. And I only had to carry Iris back to bed.

Children strong like bull.

The kids have really come into their own now in the simple fact that they realize that they are not strong enough to move me around or take things away from me in play time. But together they can pin my arms or work to drag me. It started simply enough during rough housing with the boys. I would grab one and not let go unless they said please. It's turned into a game with us. Well a few weeks ago they started getting the idea that rather than say please they would call for help. Now when one is trapped and they yell the other two come running.

Last night is the perfect example of how this has progressed to create fear within me. Bobby thinks it's real funny to grab your noise and pinch it. Now it's mildly annoying but you can tolerate it for short periods of time. Last night though all three got into the act and I was fending off six little grabbing hands for my face. This amused the children to no end. But in order for them to be able to grab my nose they figured out that if they each grab an arm that leaves the third to grab my nose. It was difficult to resist them. Bobby is real good at wrapping himself around my arm and locking on. Where as Cooper will do everything he can to sit on my arm. And Iris tries to climb me like a spider monkey all the time.

It really comes down to this. I am alone in this house with three quickly growing children and so help me they are starting to figure out that not only do they outnumber me, but together they can overpower me.

Changes

One thing that you can really count on with triplets is change. Before the kids I was resistant to change and had a tendency to resist it. I would be lying if I said that my wife didn't drag me kicking and screaming into the wonderful life that I have now. And I am grateful for all that my wonderful wife has done to support me and the family through the past couple of years. The kids view her as their favorite. I have been blessed to be a stay at home dad for the past few years and would never have been able to do it with out her support.

The kids are in a constant state of change. The few constants are toy choices and wubbies all other things are subject to change at a moments notice. The worst is when they decide not to like a food that they had normally loved the previous day. Or when they no longer will tolerate a simple shower and must have a bath. I know this because I am told punctuated with tears and wails.

The most difficult change at this moment for me as a parent is the introduction of new TV shows but really the commercials that book end their favorite shows. Every commercial break the kids run into the other room to tell me what new product that they can't live without. I bet is was easier in the time with out TV telling us what we need to buy to be happy. How did kids decide what to ask Santa for Christmas before the invention of rampant commercialism.

Dawn

Being a stay at home dad makes it difficult to get any alone time in the morning. I try to be as quiet as possible as I wake up and get the breakfast cooking. I have to be as quiet as a church mouse because I believe that if I make a single sound the kids will hear it and come running. I believe this because it has been the matter of fact for the last two years.

You must understand that for me cooking breakfast is the brief moment of time everyday in which I have the house to myself. It's not that I'm alone per say but my wife is in the bathroom getting ready with her morning routine and I am in the kitchen doing my routine. And the kids are asleep.  It's the one time that I am not doing laundry or bathing the kids or doing any of the other million things that need to happen in the house. Just cooking breakfast.

Once a noise is made be it the sizzle of sausage or the coffee maker going off the sounds travel to the sleeping triplets ears as a clarion call to the children as succinct as any alarm clock known to man. Once the children rise from their slumber they stagger to the kitchen all bleary eyed and ask the same question. "What are you making for breakfast?"

The kids first play

We took the kids to a play yesterday at the Eisemann Center in Richardson. The play was "Diary of a Worm, a Spider, and a Fly."
 I and my wife have been to loads of theatrical productions and tend to have a critical eye when it comes to such things. The set was nice but the sound guy was awful.

The kids did great and we went with their grandparents formally called Nonnie and Poppie so it was a good family outing. The kids have had quite a lot of experience seeing films, during the summer I would take them every Thursday to studio movie grill for the summer kids movie series. The kids know how to sit still for a show and to be quiet during. After the production the kids all got to go meet the actors in the lobby while they were in costume and the actors would sign playbills and the book that the play was based off.

The play had some musical numbers and some slight action but as is the norm for children's entertainment, it was difficult for the adults. Poppie only slept through most of it. And I consider him the lucky one. But the kids loved it but not as much as SpongeBob.

Cleaning rituals

We have gotten into the habit of making the kids clean up their area of the house every day right before dinner. Which has been working out great except for the fact that I have to remind them every time. I have to remind them four to five times in rapid order. Then I have to go yell remind them and turn off the TV.

After the kids clean the playroom, is around the time that Momma gets home, followed by the eating of dinner. Which in it's self is a whole days worth of post so lets skip it for now.

After dinner the kids take the dishes and silverware and puts it all in the sink and goes to clean their bedrooms. The boys get it done pretty fast since the two of them work in tandem to get it done and the sweet thing is after they finish they go help Iris wrap up her room. They are motivated to clean their rooms because once their rooms are clean they get their wubbies. Wubbies are our triplets version of the blankie or comfort item that they sleep with.

Once the rooms are clean and they kiddos are changed into their PJ's. With wubbies in hand they gather at the foot of the parent reading the story for that night. And then off to bed.

All work and no play.

Yesterday due to unforeseen circumstances the children and I were trapped at home and my daughter freaked me out a little. I was watching TV while folding laundry and a promo for The Walking Dead came on. At this point Iris walked in to mumble ask me something as four year olds tend to do. Something about lunch and what they were having. However when she turned to leave she saw the title letters for the TV show and said "Look Daddy, The Walking Dead."

The reason this freaked me out was due to the fact that my children have never seen The Walking Dead, that is not appropriate content for the kiddos as I am sure everyone can agree. So my daughter looked at the title letters and was able to read The Walking Dead. When I asked her how she knew what that said she just shrugged and ran off laughing.

Triplets like the night life they like to boogie.

Last night the kids were going on about The Gummy Bear dance, which I can only assume is something that they learned in school. They went on and on about it and how they loved to dance it.
So my wife goes through our TV to youtube and looks up the dance. Not only did she find that little dance number but a whole slew of videos of kids dance video games. Since we don't have any dance video games for the Xbob this works out for the most part. The kids love it! they spent at least two hours doing dance numbers last night. And watching the triplets dance the Macarena once was funny and cute, by the fifth time it was less cute. But it did tire them out, and that is priceless.

The Field day at school.

The day after Halloween the kids school put on a field day in honor of the Olympics. Which I think was a brilliant idea seeing as how all the children were imbued with the power of a million candies. I had never really thought about the collateral damage of Halloween through the eyes of the education system. But now I see and all I can say is "those poor teachers."

Halloween

We it's official the holiday log jam has begun and the children couldn't be happier. I read this article yesterday about something that parents are doing up north called the SwitchWitch. What this is, is a "witch" who comes and visits your house while your children are asleep and takes the candy in trade for a present of greater value as measured by the amount of candy that the child is willing to give in trade. This way the kids eat less candy and have a chance to get a toy with a longer play value than a momentary sugar high while allowing the kids to still participate in the candy haul of the season.

While I see the logic behind this practice and in some ways agree with it in principle I feel the need to say that my kids already have some supernatural person who has the ability to sneak into their home and leave gifts two months from now.

Why can't a parent say no? why can't a parent limit the amount of candy that a child can eat at any given setting. So far I have learned that it's all about setting boundaries and understanding the precedent that you as parents set. I have always let my children eat a couple of pieces during the individual trick or treating events. But as home they are allowed to pick one piece of candy out of their bucket at the appropriate times. As a dessert. Or they can make the choice to have a piece of candy instead of their snack. It's their little bit of control while I as a parent control the amount of sugar they consume. To me the SwitchWitch seems like a way for the parents to absolve themselves of being the bad guys by being parents and saying no to their precious darlings.

The 1st six weeks parent teacher conference.

Really not much to say about this other than it's always nice when someone else tells you your children are a delight and wonderful to have in the class and set such a good example for the other children. All the kids are doing great in class and are all having a great time and love learning. I'm not sure how I got so lucky.

The mess

My house is a mess. It was cluttered before the children got here but now it's a mess. I watch TV and see these ideas of what a home is supposed to look like and I know what I would like my home to look like. Well it's just not going to happen. In order for the house to remain clean you would have to do something about the children, meaning that they are not allowed to play with their toys or art supplies or games or really anything that defines them as children. I don't know what any other parents with young children much less triplets have going on in their home but mine is awash with the destructive wake of children.

I have crayon and marker marks on every possible surface. walls, floor, tables, cabinets, each of the children. There are cars and little toys along ever baseboard as well as in the couches and chairs. There is copious amounts of kid art plastered all over the kitchen. If you were to look around you may find perler beads, broken crayons, broken toys, stickers, scraps of paper and clothing.

The stickers are the worst though. There are stickers everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I have even found them under tables and chairs. There are stickers on the floor and walls and in children's hair. I find them in my clothes in the washer and dryer on dishes and the dogs. I rue the day that stickers ever came into my house.

I do my best to keep the house organized and tidy but the truth of the matter is you can only cry so many times after had mopping the entire kitchen to only have a child spill apple juice the length and breadth of the floor in the two minutes it took you to go to the bathroom. It's these little moments that when asked by some knuckle dragging man child why don't I get a job I am filled with the fury of a thousand suns and I have to just walk away. I have accepted that I am no stepford husband.

Candy and the devil inside.

My trips collect copious amounts of candy every year for Halloween. They each have a method in which to eat said candy. Iris likes to plot out a course and will have them lined up in the order to eat them normally while already eating one piece. Bobby like to go right for the chocolate and normally will bypass all other candy until it is all consumed. Where as Cooper likes the jellies. His favorite is Dots and will eat those all day.

One of the glories of being a parent in the tax we levy on the candy that they receive. This is the ability to take some of the good stuff out of their buckets. This has to happen because our children normally get to go trick or treating at least three times every year. They go to the church trunk or treat, then to my wife's work and get showered with candy from her co-workers. And then on the actual day of Halloween we go hit a couple of neighborhoods and load up.

When it's all done my kiddos have a estimated twenty pounds of candy each and it normally lasts us being doled out until after Christmas. Then they get all the Christmas candy and just about the time that starts to run low it's their birthday followed by Easter. We seem to collect candy like a squirrel collecting nuts for winter. If it wasn't for the summer months I believe that we would have to have a closet just for candy storage.

How the YMCA hurt me.

Earlier in the summer I joined the YMCA so I could get cost effective swim lessons for the kiddos. I was not overly impressed with the level of teaching that the trips received. Aside from that it wasn't a bad deal after swim lessons. They offered child care while you worked out at no cost other than the monthly fee.
 Now with the kids in the second grading period of school and me working the haunt there just isn't time for the kids to go and no time for me to go, so to save money for the family we decided to cancel our membership. It wasn't a large cost but when you have triplets every dime counts along with the impending doom of Christmas.
 I walk in yesterday to cancel and the clerk asks, "May I ask why your discontinuing your membership?"
 I reply, "Well to save money and the kids are now in school."
 This rotten son of a bitch looks me in the eye and asks, "So are they going to college in town?"

The Rackings

My children have this ability to zero in on my gentle bits in all manner of environment. I have gotten used to turning to my side when my children run at me. It is beyond the point of accident at this point. I believe that my children, on some subconscious level at least, don't want to have any other siblings.
 Bobby loves to run head first as me and like to kick when I pick him up so as you can imagine my oldest has managed to rack me coming and going.
  Cooper likes to jump in my lap from long distance, ergo from his bed. The back of the couch, and any other elevated place.
  Iris on the other hand is the master of the knee and elbow. She likes to climb all over me, as they all do. But Iris has done the most damage to my dangly bits. Once she managed to jump into my lap squarely planting her foot right on the off button and ground the wedding tackle into the couch and then drove her knee in the previous position trying to get a hug.
 No one really warned my of the proclivity of children to smash your tenders on a regular basis. If you had asked me before children that I could have ever become used to being racked, I would have said "no."
 Now though, I would not say that I am used to it but I am no stranger to the pain of children and the worst is when napping on the couch you are awaked whilst being trod upon by six pointed little feet.

Bedtime.

So we try to put the kids to bed around the same time everyday. And most days the kids would go to sleep with little or no problem. However recently they have begun to exert their personal control over their own sleep patterns. The Main issue is the boys. Iris has her own room and normally likes to read in bed for thirty minutes before she sleeps. The boys on the other hand, well everyday is a sleepover.
 If you have kids and have ever had a sleep over then you may have an idea of what I am talking about. The boys egg each other on in the badness level. The whole anything you can do I can do better.
 The current trouble comes for the boys enjoyment of jumping and leaping off of things. Not only is this terrifying to us parents for concerns of injury but it is also troublesome due to the laughter and prolonged sleep time. My wife and I must have to go into the bedroom multiply times nightly to make sure the boys go to bed.
  The worst thing is that no matter when they go to bed be it 7pm or 11pm they get up at the same time every morning.

Crayons

Crayons are everywhere in my house it's like child spoor at this point. They leave the crayons everywhere, to the point of being ridiculous. At the very least the children don't draw on the walls, however any flat surface is free game.  Chairs, tables, sleeping parent. It doesn't matter. I will tell you though that they don't have markers. They had markers one day for a total of an hour. As much as I dislike the crayon problem I will take that over markers any day.
  Now if the idea of triplets and crayons loose in your house isn't enough to make a cold sweat run down your back, my wife thought is would be fun to get on of the Crayola Crayon Maker. If you're not familiar with this destroyer of carpets and death to fabrics machine let me explain. It is a little cauldron that you put little broken bits of crayon into so that you melt it down and pour it into crayon molds. It's the toddler hat trick. it can burn, electrocute, and stain. What fun.
 One other crayon concern and this ties into the fact that children are horrible about attention to detail when it comes to cleaning. So they tend to loose or leave crayons everywhere. I have dogs and for some reason they like to eat crayons. This is fun for at least two reasons, one it means that there is little crumbles of chewed crayon spread about the house. And two, the dog spoor is so colorful that is really brightens up the back yard.

challenges.

My wife and I are very different in our approaches to new or challenging experiences. The perfect example for this is how we enter a pool. She likes to take her time and slowly submerges herself, letting her body acclimate to the temperature. Where as I like to just jump in to the pool off the diving board with out testing the water since I figure we're getting in either way.
 Now this approach sometimes can cause conflict and mixed messages to the kids when we are trying to introduce them to new things. The problems normally happen when we come up to something that we haven't discussed before hand.
 I respect fear and believe that fear is something that should be faced and overcome the minute you come to face with it. I am afraid of heights but love the feel of falling. So I will go cliff jumping and bungee jumping with little hesitation. My wife on the other hand would never jump off of anything.
  My wife respects fear and will take her time and measure all the outcomes and normally will decide quickly if she will or will not do something that scares her.
  I don't think that there is anything wrong with this approach, it's just different from mine. Now with this dichotomy the children don't always know who to take their cues from. I am pretty sure I could get Iris to follow me into anything where as the boys tend to follow Maureen's lead when it comes to new experiences which can get difficult. I tend to get exasperated when I do what I feel is a simple thing and seem to dismiss the rest of the group's fears. Which naturally upsets the wife since it would appear that I don't care that she's afraid for her self or the children.
  Sometimes with the triplets it's important to remember that we all have our different ways and we both make the mistake of assuming that our way is the correct way and what we need to remember is that the correct way is a very relative experience.

Sedition

I am not sure when or where the children got the idea that they could refuse my orders but I tell you that this daddy dictator is not pleased. It has been a gradual process to be sure, but I can track the onslaught of traitorous behavior to public school. My kids used to jump to when asked to do a chore. When the wife or I would ask them to clean the play room they would start and get the job done with little or no supervision. Now, by Thor. now they don't get moving till you have asked at least by the third time. I just don't understand it. If this progresses they may not make it to being a teenager. For I will have snapped long before then.
  I have tried to ask nicely with pleases. Then I go ask a little more sternly. Then I go in and no longer ask. Then I have to go yell and threaten and start taking away privileges. Then I have to go in there and supervise and stand over them and make them do it. I know that it's making me crazy because I get to this point where I can't even make a coherent sentence to direct the children during these times. I become reduced to this feral state of monosyllabic yells. "Clean" "Now" "NOW!" "CLEAN!" I get all red in the face and I can only assume my children do this because it amuses them to see me get so frustrated.
  I had thought in my naïve way that if we maintained good cleaning habits that the children would maintain those habits since that is what we have always done. I was wrong. I am stubborn and so is my wife and my children are like wise bull headed and when you have that many independently minded people in one house, all the cajoling in world doesn't seem to work and I sadly find my self reduced to yelling and threats. And lord help me when the children realize that with numbers come strength. As it is the three of them can swarm me and pull me down now during play, what happens when they want to hurt me?

Arts and crafts.

My children have two whole cabinets filled with all sorts of arts and craft supplies. I assume it looks very close to what you'd expect. All manner of bits and bobbles, glue sticks and construction paper. Reams and reams of paper and crayons, coloring books and stencils. They also have markers and scissors, and pencil sharpeners.
 The point I am trying to make is that they well possess the ability to make a mess. And make messes they do. I personally can't tell you how many trees my daughter has destroyed in her artistic pursuits. Don't get me wrong I love that they want to draw and write and be artsy, but if that only came with the equal desire to clean up after they were done. Also in this house we don't do the cheerios or macaroni art. The kids have brought home a couple of examples of this toddler folk art only to have it eaten by the dogs. Once the dogs eat the art the kids get upset and the dogs get GI issues, no to that.
  I love that my kids like to do the whole arts and crafts thing. I like it when they bring pictures to me and say I made this for you. It's nice, that they are thinking of me, however many times I don't believe that they are thinking of me as much as using me as an excuse to concoct what every artistic construction and the mess left in it's wake that they desire.

#*%$@+& Puddles!

My children love puddles. I guess that all children do but I had no idea in which the depth of affection went. I strongly dislike puddles and stepping in them. My children on the other hand don't care about having wet feet or soaked shoes. They live to jump in every puddle that crosses our path. I can't tell you the number of times I have gotten caught in the collateral damage of all three thinking what fun it is to splash through the water. I write this as a pleading question to the world, Why do children like it? And when can they do their own laundry?

Report cards the first of many.

So yesterday my kiddos brought home their first report cards. Now I don't really understand the whole Pre-k grading system. It seems to be a series of checks, dashes, and smiley faces. Now where I am sure that works to convey meaning to the children I would like a more detailed report of their individual progress as well as maybe a syllabus.
  As best as I have been able to decipher from the report card hieroglyphics is that my children are doing great and that the teacher likes having them in her class. Sadly this does not really address their progress to my satisfaction, maybe I'm spoiled from being home with them for the past four years?
 They have these markers of things that are expected like do they know their name, or can they go to the bathroom alone, can they dress themselves, or any other series of things that I have expected from my children for at least the past year.
 Did you know that by the end of the year it's expected that any child in the class by the fourth six weeks grading period should be able to count to 30? Not to brag but all of my children we're able to do that before school even started.
 I enrolled my children in this school because it was one of the highest rated elementary schools in the area. And I am disappointed in the curriculum, as it is I don't believe that my children will be challenged yet. On the up side they should have no problem being in advanced classes and moving up the ranks easily. I am not judging or do I dislike the school or teacher I just believe that it seems nerfed in some ways and crazy strict in other directions. When did the focus become corporate sponsored testing and less common sense. I can understand the large home school movement to a much better degree now. I feel for the teachers in this situation, what with over loaded classrooms and enough bureaucracy to make the Devil blush. People all talk about taking our country back, and if they are serious we should start with education. Build you house on the rock.

Rainy days and madness

It helps that we as a family have a large back yard for the kids to play in. It helps that they have a ton of toys to play with in the back yard. It helps that there is a playground and sandbox in the back yard. We give the kids this space and truly the back yard is their domain to have peace and quiet in the house. One kid will tear up your house, what do you think that three will do. Then the rain or some other weather will come and force the children inside.
 You must understand, dear reader, that the kids never shut up. NEVER. There is a constant stream of consciousness manifest through song, gibberish, and declarations for some such thing or another. It never stops, The only thing I can try to give you an example of it would be first turn on every TV in the house along with every radio. Put a pair of work boots in the dryer and set that on. Now go around the house and turn on all the radios. Now once you have all this noise going find two medium sized dogs and a stray cat. Tie a steak to the cat after putting the dogs in some nice clothes and let them go in your house. Ignore that while you're doing the laundry and even then I am not sure this really gets the point across.
 The rain traps this whirlwind of child noise and destruction within the house, And I have heard the "rain won't hurt the kids, why don't you let them play in the rain?"
And to which I think with everything I addressed above do I really need to add mud to that mix?

The triplet stroller or the spectacle.

When the kids were first born we thought that the easiest thing to do would be to buy a triplet stroller. Now you have to imagine a three seated baby transport that is a cross between a stroller and a mountain bike. Fenders and a hand break even intertube tires for off road travel. The thing is so big that we got a carrier that attached to the trailer hitch on the back of the minivan to get it around town. It had a detachable canopy and a basket on the back for necessities. It was about ten feet long and only had three wheels. And it in and of it's self drew a lot of attention. Now add the trips.
  The trips loved their stroller and always thought it was great fun to be driven around the town in it. The problem was it drew people like flies. People would always have to run up and ask a million questions about it then about the kids. Old women wanted to touch the kids. People would ask us to stop so that they could take photos. Now I don't know about you, but I think it's a little weird to want to photograph someone else's children. It was also hard to navigate in tight corners. Like trying to get to the kiddie rides at the State Fair or to get around the Zoo. You can totally forget about any Mall during the height of Christmas Shopping season with that thing.
 We used this monstrosity for the first year or so as our primary form of travel with the kids. After awhile the Wife and I got real tired of the pseudo celebrity status because of the stroller. I was shocked how people have no compunction to walking up and getting in your face you children's face and just making themselves a general nuisance, as if having or being triplets is an invite to all manner of banal comments or questions. Here is the triplet stroller called the runabout. http://www.bergdesign.net/triple.htm

The current battle over food.

My wife and I are at our wits end when it comes to food in this house. For the entire time up unitll recently, like since they started school recently, our children we're the most wonderful eaters. They would eat everything and anything that I would put in front of them. They would at least try everything at least once. This is how we got them to try everything from sushi to chorizo crepes. Now I have a hard time getting them to finish any meal.
 I used to cook a large amount of food with every meal and now it seems almost half of it goes to waste. I don't give them constant snacking options and they only get a small snack after school every day which is two and a half hours before dinner. What is the deal?  And what does the other children that they interact with have to do with this new a developing problem?
 I have decided that it's just not worth the constant fights, because I assure that we have been fighting this, But now what was once my delightful children will look at something that they have loved for years and flat out say "I don't like it."
 No reason at all to say this it's as if they just became capricious with all food related projects. except
for cake or some other sweet confection then they could eat to the point of sickness. So now when my children make up their mind not to eat what ever at any given time I just say "I guess your having hunger for dinner."

The Santa problem.

When  I was younger I believed in Santa Claus and all the magic that is Christmas. Then when I became a little older I stopped believing in Santa Claus though I still love and believed in the magic of Christmas. Now that I am an adult in theory if not practice and have children of my own I have become Santa Claus.
  My children love the whole of Christmas, the presents, the family you only see once a year, the disrupted schedule, and the sweets oh yes the sweets. The problem is that Santa has a unlimited bank roll where as us parents are broke broke broke. I am sure that you can relate.
 Since my children are still learning the basics of writing my wife had this brilliant idea of going through the Christmas catalogues and having the kids cut out the pictures of the presents they would like Santa Claus to bring them. I think it's a good idea if not a little intimidating when staring down the barrel of three sets of Santa presents.
 I love the kids and would like to give them everything that their little hearts desire, that said they don't really have a full understanding of finances. They don't understand the cost of eating and air conditioning or clean clothes and dishes. I shouldn't expect them to and because of that I would hate to ever have Santa Claus disappoint them. Thankfully I am not entirely sure they have reached the age of utter disappointment when Santa fails to deliver. Although that age is coming and if there is a question in all of this, it would be, At what age do kids start to figure out the Santa equation?

The Kids vs. the dogs.

We as a couple have always had pets. We have gone through mice and many fish. A cat that I had and a rescue toy poodle Maureen adopted one afternoon. Then we got Coffee a mutt lab mix and then inherited my mother's shih Tzu. And now we seem to breed mollies in a fish tank taking us to what I think is third gen fish now in that tank. Now throw in the children. The kids love the fish tank and know not to tap the glass or mess with it. I mean to say, as of yet I have not found any child spoor in the tank.
 The dogs though, the dogs and the children have what can be best described as a mutuality adversarial symbiosis, at least to the dogs view of things.
  The kids just love the dogs. Just loves them to pieces especially Bobby. Bobby looses his mind over the shih Tzu. He wants to be near her and touch her and pet her constantly. Cooper and Iris prefer to grab the dog's toy and throw it playing fetch with the little dog. They make the little dog so over stimulated at times she retreats to the underground of the couch scant to come out till called by Mom or Dad to go outside.
 Then there is Coffee the big dog. Again Bobby just loves this dog and like to lay on her and rub her belly, Which Coffee finds just fine. The other two kids don't really play or mess with Coffee to much. Coffee just kinda lumbers around and if the kids get to close to her she just starts licking their faces. That normally ends the problem.
  Now where the true conflict comes on. Food, snacks or drinks. We can not have the dogs in the house while the kids are eating. You have to pick your battles! This was not one I wanted to fight the rest of my life. The couple of times that we have forgotten it has but lasted seconds before the dogs are escorted out side. Now it's not the issue that my dogs and grand champion beggars, they do the eye thing and whimper and all of it. The problem is the kids think it's hilarious to feed the dogs. If the kids have snack in hand and walk around the dogs, the dogs get a nice snack. Coffee knows that she can knock them around a bit and get the snack and the kids love it when they toss a food item and Coffee can snatch it out of the air. This has created a love hate relationship between the dogs and kids and just generally annoys me.
 At one point we come in to let the dogs in the house and they would be excited to see us. Now when we let dogs in the house they run right to the kitchen and scour the floor looking for dropped tidbits from dinner.

Sleeping in is a myth.

My wife and I like to sleep and we will practice it at length given the chance. You see once the triplets were born all thoughts of sleep had to disappear. The first four months was spent getting up every two hours to feed the babies. I don't really remember it except in flashbacks.
 After we got the kids sleeping through the night we thought that we had hit the holy grail of sleep again. Then we have the issues of the children not being able to sleep past six A.M. ever, no matter what, no matter where. The kids go to bed every night at 7ish though they are allowed to read in their bedrooms quietly "QUIETLY", "I said be QUIET!" And this normally goes on till about  eightish.
  The mornings oh the mornings. So since the kids always get up regardless of the time they go to bed I have to get up. Sometimes I am able to get up before the kids so I can start breakfast, but the minute I make a single noise in the kitchen my daughter comes running in asking "Is it morning?" And if for some reason MY wife and I get to sleep "in" if we have not opened the bedroom door by 7:30 am sharp the kids start knocking on the door, endlessly until someone answers. I know this to be true since my wife and I have tried to ignore them so we can sleep. That is a impossibility.
  Every once in a great while the boys will sleep in till about 7:15, but not Iris she is a morning person and a early riser. I know all this is going to change once the puberty monster arrives but until then I dream of a long sleep.

School pictures.

So far I am not a big fan of the school picture routine. They are a cookie cutter patterns and it seems that the box where you fill out the parents directions are ignored or if read deemed not important enough to give a shit about. Now if this is the level of service I can expect for the amount of money I'm going to spend, I might as well pay a waiter to piss in my soup. Can you tell I am annoyed?
 First of all since the school has a dress policy they kids were photographed in their school uniforms and not something I consider attractive. Secondly they provide a directions section on how to get you kids to smile of the camera and for some reason all the pictures look like my kids have gas. Thirdly we live in the digital age so why should anyone or any parent ever have to accept a child's bad photo ever again. Short answer it's because they don't give a shit about you. It's a racket.
 I think that from here out the only pictures I'll be buying from the school will be class photos and yearbooks as the case may be and if I want individual shots I will take them my self of go to a studio where I can actually see proofs of the items I am buying and given some choice rather than here ya go like em or GTFO.

Homework for pre-k

My children have home work and I am expected to help them with it. I want to be a good parent but I was raised where homework was my problem as a child I would get help if I asked but generally it was my concern. Now I receive a message along side of the children's school work saying that I have to help. I have heard similar stories from other parents as well.
  I think there is something intrinsically wrong with our education system that the teacher does not have enough time during the day to complete the lessons. I believe that now schools serves the purpose of preparing us for the modern day work force more than any actual thinking education. That said I believe that teachers have little or no problem with homework since as part of their job they are required to work constantly on their job. Grading papers at home and coming up with lesson plans and the various sundry work that goes into be a teacher. I however disagree with this model and I always have. I would like to point out that every person that is required to take work home as an adult resents it. No one likes to work for free and I think that homework in school is part of the incremental erosion of our personal time that adds to the stress and stupidity of society. People need to enjoy learning and not have it forced on them.
 Now I have no problem helping my children out with their home work but I am more than a little bothered that as parent I not only am constantly asked for money and time from the school but now I am required to do my children's homework? When exactly did children stop having to accept responsibility for themselves? I personally intend to make my children do their own homework but I also expect my children to accept responsibility for their own homework. I think we need to go back to a time where children could fail and children learned their limits. Not everyone is a rocket scientist and that's ok. But this environment where everyone is a winner is ultimately making us all losers.

Dress up and costumes.

Halloween is my favorite time of year, always have been, most likely always will be. My kids love it as well. Since we have triplets I am always thinking of different costumes for three that they could wear. I have tried to get them to be Ron, Harry, and Hermione from Harry Potter. No they said. I have tried to get them to go Princess Leia and C-3PO and R2-D2 or Leia and the stormtroopers and they said no. We've also tried the three stooges, Ghostbusters, General Zod, Non, and Ursa, again no.
  Here is what they do want to dress up as every year. Iris wants to be a princess all the time 24-7 and the boys, Bobby wants to be a car or race car driver and Cooper wants to be Iron Man. Cooper, for as long as he could give voice to it he has always wanted to be Iron Man. Bobby always wants to be fast or a car. For the longest time Bobby called Dash from The Incredibles, Fast Boy. To this day he calls The Flash Fast boy as well. I don't think it's any car as much as the desire to go fast, and he thinks that a car is the best way to go fast.
 We are always trying to get the kids to dress in a theme for the holiday and their personalities drive them in three very different directions. The closest we have gotten is the boys to both dress up as DC comic characters but again Iris was a princess as well as this year I am sure. We keep trying to get her to be Batgirl or Wonder Women but she absolutely refuses to be any thing but a princess. Her princess fixation carries into all dress up play, I worry she has a slight obsession. But then again Bobby is the same about cars, as is Cooper about Iron Man, At least Iris likes different princesses.

At what age do kids get the implied rules?

When the trips were younger, 2ish to 3ish, it was easier to manage the kiddos. Their reach wasn't as good and they would have never thought to use simple tools like a stool to get on top of stuff. Now, its a constant hell. They now, have no compunction about climbing anything to reach their goal, not only that they work in tandem to accomplish tasks.
 For example; my wife made a wonderful spice cake this weekend and frosted it with a cream cheese frosting. When we gave the cake to the kids this weekend they did not like the frosting. They would only eat around it. Fine, this is the information that we as parents have been given and as such we move forward. Well last night after dinner we thought we would dole out more cake for the kids. And again they confessed to disliking the cream cheese frosting. So we wrap up dinner.
 During the chaos of the bedtime routine we leave the cake on the stove. And after we finally get the kids in bed we go off and do our winding down routines before we join in the living room. We sometime before bed for the kids and after dinner they had moved a stool up to the stove and left fingerprints and groves all through the frosting in the cake. Now the last thing you want it triplets wired on cream cheese frosting ten minutes before bed. And even now, not a single one of the trips will admit to doing it. Odd isn't that for three to profess that they didn't like the frosting somehow someone decided to run their fingers through it like a maidens hair.

Talking out of the mouth of maddness.

The talking, it never stops. It goes on forever. In the car, bath, sleep, and just all the time. I like talking to my children but sometimes I wish it would stop for a little bit. My daughter always says" b'sides," then followed by some statement like she said a reason for any of the following statements.
My Son Bobby likes to speak in motor sounds and demands a count down before he leaves a room, and then winds up in place like a cartoon before shooting off into the house going "vroom!," and " squealing break noises," when he corners. Cooper like to chime in all the time with "me too," to anything.
 The point I guess is that my children are a walking stream of consciousness at home. It's constant. A good majority of the time you get all three talking at the same time and unless you respond they just continue to get louder and louder talking over each other till you loose all sense of reason and turn like a wild person and tell them you can't speak their language and need them to slow down and go one at a time.
 The worst is when they fight. Or they hurt one another. First you hear the scream. Then you hear "I's sorry, I said I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." And to fully understand this you have to see this in your mind. First the scream then the screaming and crying starts to advance through the house looking for a parent while being trailed by the "I'm sorrys." Then you have two kids one trapped in hitching sobs and saying what the other kids did while the other kid keeps saying "I'm sorry." Then somewhere is the third watching from the corner like a rubbernecker.
  It's in those moments that you have to breathe and count to ten in order to solve the issue. I constantly tell my children that I don't speak whine or crying and that they need to calm down so they can tell me what's going on. Which normally results in me playing mediator. I try to be Judge Judy and it normally turns into Jerry Springer fights. The joys of parent hood.

Creepy kiddos.

I work in the haunted house industry and have a passion for the macabre and scary. I always have been drawn to this stuff and recently found a door into the industry and I jumped in both feet. I bring this up in the triplets blog because I have received concerns about the kids and the influences that this profession can have on them. First My daughter wanted to play with a prop of mine and wanted to pose for photos because she saw me dressing up and taking photos for promotional materials so being the loving father that I am I let her pose with a rubber hatchet in several poses. I was just trying to make her happy and we had fun. After I took the photos one of them came out really great. I mean Stephen King book cover great. Her long hair was dangled over her face so that you couldn't even recognize her. All you could see  was a slight smile and one blue eye looking out through the hair over the blade of a rubber axe.
 As the marketing director I colored the picture handed it to my photoshop guy an turned it into a promo shot, and it looked good. I posted it and there it stood on line for a full two weeks and not a word from any friends or family members. However it was in it's brief time one of our biggest photos with several hundred views within the first week. My daughter was not identified in anyway. She just some kid that happened to look creepy.
 Well at some point the family found out and it created a scandal. Now I am not angry as much as confused by the outrage. I don't believe that I put my daughter at risk in anyway. Have you seen T.V. these days? What type of message is allowed e.g. Miley Cyrus twerking at the MTV video awards and this is the role model for young girls all over the country. But god forbid my daughter hold a rubber axe. I think this is indicative of a much larger problem. I talk to my children about everything , movies, TV, food, the homeless on the streets. They listen to the political talks my wife and I have. And they, when applicable, chime in or ask questions. Why is it that our children are allowed to see people shot and murdered in cartoons and greed is venerated, as evident by or government, And Disney stars become hyper-sexualized drug addicts. But Horror, God forbid, that's where we draw the line.
 The thing is, I strongly believe that I can't shelter my children from the world and would only make myself miserable doing so. So I intend to talk to my children and introduce them to as much as possible and teach them to make informed decisions. I also believe that I can't make my children learn anything I can only help them understand what they learn on their own. My job as a parent is to provide the environment and the resources to learn as much as they want or can and hopefully together we can figure out the rest.

Music makers are the little children.

The kids love the music be it on the radio or Mom and Dad's collection or even random stuff that comes on TV. They dance and sing all the time. Not that any of it is any good but at least they're trying right. They have all expressed desire for different instruments too. Bobby wants a Rock and Roll guitar and Iris wants a microphone and a guitar while Cooper wants a drum set. Now the crazy thing is that we as parents have not tried to guide these desires in the children. They have developed this on their own. That said I want to provide my children all that I can, however I am slightly hesitant to trap my self in a house with three children with what at the very least in the early stages will be very expensive LOUD noise makers. I see all the pros to it and I am glad that my children have a love of music, but can you imagine the cacophony.
 One of the normal things that we do when we're driving is sing. We have quite the repertoire, every thing from Row row your boat to It's only a Paper Moon. The kids like to sing although they don't really like to sing together and it can lead to arguments.
  "But, I was singing that," Says Cooper to Iris.
Then Bobby says, "I don't like that song I want to sing this!"
And it goes on until a parent steps in. They all love to be the center of attention when family is involved. My wife and I have decided in a attempt to harness this power that we are going to teach them a singing routine for Christmas to perform for the family. We have decided to teach them Lyle Lovett's "You're not from Texas" and a line dance. All I can say is wish us luck and if and when we make it happen I can promise you there will be videos.

Discipline is a two way street.

Before my kids were born I was one of those assholes who had a million theories and would be all judgmental to those poor parents who in public had little or know control over their kids. I thought I'm not going to be that guy almost every time I would see a kid out of control and a parent with the look of murder in their eyes and think there has got to be a better way. Before the kids were born I believed that corporal punishment was wrong and that only a monster would hurt their children. I thought screaming and yelling was horrible. And mostly I thought that I would be able to communicate with my children and have discourse and understanding with each other.
 Well I was wrong on several points. I now understand that parents all want the same things that I did and thought in some manner the same naïve way as I before children. All you people whom without children sit on your high horse and judge the parent in public with the caterwauling child, you can just stuff it. You judge off a five minute experience and you have no idea that the child, that perfect angel, has not only crapped the bed that morning and smeared it all over the walls of his bedroom, threw breakfast in his mother's face. Peed on the dog. Pulled a lamp off a table and broke it. Crapped in the car on the way to the store and had to be changed in a parking lot. Threw up over your new shirt that you wore because you were going to have lunch with your spouse that day. And now once you have gotten them in the store and trying to pick up a few things so you can go home and cook dinner, this child has seen the colorful box of tide pods and can't understand why a)they can't have it b) why it isn't a food or toy, and c) why are you such a jerk. All this normally all happens before 10am. It's a miracle more parents just don't snap from the pressure. Every thing I just described can be a normal Tuesday, now make it triplets and everyday and even then you won't get it.
  So I had all these aspirations and reality crashed in. I yell now to maintain control. I have spanked because I would rather hurt them a little then have them learn by being hit by a car because they refused to listen other wise. I have threatened and bullied and pushed and been the villain more times than I can count at this point. On the other hand I constantly receive compliments on how well my children behave and that they follow the rules and say yes ma'am and no sir, please and thank you. They clean up after themselves and they offer to help out with chores around the house. And the reason they do this is not because I am a dictator, but because I this is the behavior I expect and I give them the same respect. I say please and thank you and yes sir and no ma'am. I believe the best leaders lead by example and dictators get over thrown.

T.V. my childrens preferred method of parent torture.

I have seen copious amounts of children's television. And I generally hate all of it. I am serious about my dislike. I tried to watch the shows with the kids, I tried to care. I am inured to the voice of Dora, I can tune out SpongeBob, I can name the My little ponies friendship is magic ponies. I am well versed in paw patrol, Team Umizoomi, Hero Squad, Yo Gabba Gabba, and pound puppies. I have spent so much time watching this stuff that to make it bearable I try to apply Jungian archetypes to the characters.
  I've started trying to introduce the cartoons from my childhood just to get some respite. I have tried PlasticMan, The Real Ghostbusters, Dungeons and Dragons, old Loony Toons, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, all to no avail. The main bane to my life is the dreaded SpongeBob, we have one of those drop down DVD players in the car so of course anytime we're driving to SpongeBob for miles.
 Thankfully when it comes to movies my kids are a lot more open to experience. Oddly enough they love Ghostbusters and slapstick comedies. They have seen the Disney catalogue of course. But their favorite is the classic action movie. Don't get me wrong they all have their favorite type of film but it seems that when it's something that the Wife and I particularly dislike that will be their favorite to the point of nausea.

Hand holding, the art of public travel.

We as a family hold hands a lot. Especially when it's just me and the trips. Every time we go some place public and need to cross a road I make the kids hold hands. Normally it's a kid in either and while the third will hold one of the other's hand. We do this for safety of course. Anytime we go through a parking lot or when we get into large crowds it's just the easiest thing to do and has become second nature for the kids now. I can't imagine what other people think when they see us with me in the lead and the trips all lined up behind me all holding hands, we must make quite the procession.
  On the other hand when the kids and I go shopping I couldn't get anything done if I had the kids in hand every step of the way so we have some rules. They have freedom of movement as long as the never leave my sight. The second they leave my sight I track them down and put them in the cart. This is the way it's been since they could walk safely on their own, and so far it's been working like a charm.
 I have the constant fears of a kid disappearing like any parent. As such there is a portion of my brain that just counts heads on a pretty much constant basis. I do head sweeps with out thought every couple of seconds it is just second nature to me. This becomes difficult while out with other family members. I trust everyone in my family with my kids, If I didn't I would let them near the kids, that said, when the whole family goes to a large public venue like the Zoo or State Fair I have to constantly keep in mind that someone else is there to watch them. It's not easy. I appear standoffish at times because if they decide to take a child off to do something and not tell me I go into count and freak out mode and can little focus on anything else till the count is complete. I must see each child before I can relax. So when this happens I go a little crazy. The easiest thing for me to do is accept the fact that all three kids are being watched and go off and do something or I fear I will micromanage the hell out of my family. When I'm done I come back and run all over hell and high water until I get that head count.
 I'm not sure if this is normal for other parents. But I live in a world of fear when it comes to my children. Those of you that know me know that I confront fear and if something scares me I run headlong into it. When my children are involved I am the most fearful, nervous, and paranoid parent that I have ever met. Though if you asked my kids they would have no idea.
 

Backyard safaris.

My backyard is large and verdant. We have this great backyard view because there is a greenbelt so all you can see is trees and wildlife. This is a awesome environment for the kids. We have put a two story play ground back there, they have a sand box a garden and all sorts of paths and little hidden areas in which to pretend and get lost.
 Since the only thing that separates us from the greenbelt is a back alley neighborhood drive way to all the garages we have a large amount of wildlife that works it's way to the houses. We have every thing you can think of.
 My wife, lovely women that she is, love animals and nature. She likes to go on safaris with the kids in the back yard. Well one day while working in the garden she found a little garden snake and caught it to show the kids. As you can imagine the kids were enthralled. We normally catch lizards and geckos, we see all manner of birds from hawks to blue jays. We have quite the mammal issue as well with skunks and raccoons, squirrels and armadillos, with the occasional possum.
  Well all this leads to the point of this blog. Because of all this familiarity with the local wildlife under my wife's tutelage my children have no fear of animals. One day early this summer I was in the house sitting in a chair while the kids played in the back yard. Blissful quiet, such a rare commodity in this house. I was reading a book when I hear the ruckus and the laughing and yelling coming my way. I'm used to this so I really don't pull my self out of the book. My son Cooper runs up to me and yells "look what we found" and literally throws a living snake into my lap. This brown snake was as thick around as my thumb and about two feet long. My kids learned some new and interesting words that day.

Toys toys toys.

When ever we buy a toy or toys for the triplets we have to ask our selves one question. How can this be used as a weapon? With three kids there is going to be fights over one toy or the other and the children are not afraid to use the toys to help make their point to one another. It's like a microcosm of human relations. We have constant boundary disputes, wars over resources, negotiations over free trade, Proliferation of arms and war crimes. The children normally are good with sharing, but every once in while there is no peace in the kingdom.
  When it comes to personal space the kids have different needs. Cooper is very social and wants to engage the other kids pretty much all the time. Bobby wants his alone time, and Iris is go with the flow, she can do either with out complaint. This creates problems for them.
  Which leads into the open warfare. Yesterday the Bobs was playing quietly in his room with his assortment of cars. When SpongeBob ended in the playroom Cooper decides that he want to find Bobby and play. After thirty minutes Bobby had gotten lost in his world of cars and here comes little brother to harsh his groove. Cooper wanted to play Bobby wanted to play alone. Cooper being the bigger of the two figures the best course of action is to just lay down on Bobby. You know the deal, let gravity do all he work while the person underneath uses all their energy trying to get you off of them. This resulted in both getting a time out. Cooper for restraining and Bobby for not sharing.
  Iris is the most vicious of the trio. She has this attack, I don't know where she learned it, She is fond of the "fish hook." Yesterday in a different incident, Iris fish hooked Cooper when he tried the patented "I'm going to lay on you" technique. They both got the time out. The odd thing is that Iris hardly ever has physical conflict with the boys but when it happens she ends it. The boys on the other hand will fight until a parent has to break it up.
 Bobby is the physical one and he will push, hit, and bite. Odd that he was the one dealing with a bully situation in school. But Bobby is like a bear, leave him alone and he will leave you alone. So regardless of the level of injury, most of the time it's because he was provoked.
 Another triplet issue is the whole "I was playing with that." argument, if someone is playing with some toy and goes to the bathroom unless they hide it, another will come along and take it. I see the seat saved shotgun arguments coming down the road already.
 Having triplets is a whole different ball game than a singleton. my kids are better at sharing and waiting their turn for the most part and on the flip side they know how to stake claims and defend them from outsiders. And lord have mercy when they are unified in a goal. they are a force of nature against which I must be a bulwark and ever vigilant watching for trouble in the tree line.
 

Daddy Issues..Or how I stopped worring and learned to love the atomic bomb.

We all have daddy issues men, women, and pets and the fact of the matter is I am sure that no dad in the world sets out in mind to create them. But yet here we are. I have my fair share of daddy issues to be sure. From my father and I am sure what ever irreparable damage I am dealing out to my children. How do you as a father recognize what the triggers are? You want to be physically affectionate but not to the point where you have to carry your child everywhere. You want to enforce the rules with out creating a environment where the child's only outlet is rebellion. You want them to be safe but you can't lock them up from the world. You want them to read but you don't want to force books on them so much they hate them etc etc.
  I'm torn, my father personally seems indifferent, which has been difficult cause I want him to be around his grandkids and I want my children to know him but words to me is the only action I get and I am required to call him to get those. Now don't get me wrong I love my father and I tend to think I turned out pretty good so I am not saying that he's a bad father or anything just indifferent.
  Because I feel this way I worry greatly that I overcompensate. I mean look at me I am a stay at home dad. I am a member of the PTA. By the third week of school I was having parent teacher conferences. I micromanage the kids and to the point of being a dick the family members for  not respecting the schedule. So in all this I wonder where the daddy issues will play out with my children. Are they going to think I'm over bearing, controlling, a dictator? I don't know only can only hope they know I love them and would stand defiant against the mongol hordes for them.

Words, they're all we have to go on.

I am a classic bibliophile as well as my wife. Almost to a hording degree. Every room in our house has books. Because of this our children from the beginning have taken to books like a fish to water. They all have bookshelves in the their rooms. They all have their own books that normally stay in their beds with them. And every night we read to them. At the start of pre-k this yea we started the Wind and The Willows. My wife or I read a chapter each night before bed.    
   My daughter Iris has what you could call a book problem. If left to her own devices she will just sit and thumb through her books. She has piles of books in her bed. When she is not reading she is trying to draw and write. She is obsessed with letters and all things bookish. She does have this major personality flaw though, She is very conceited. If you ask her anything about how cute she is or how smart she say "I know." I'd hate to think I'm raising a self absorbed bitch.
   Cooper on the other hand is all numbers he like to count every thing like the Count from Sesame St. it's crazy the boy is four and he's running around counting and he has already figured out how to do simple addition, to see his face light up when we tell him he got it right startles me. I have no great love for math, so where his desire comes from I don't know. What I do know is that I will continue to encourage it. Now Cooper is super controlling of the other two. It's not that he's a bully he is more of the emotional blackmailer of the three. Out of all three children he is the most likely to think crying will get his way.
   Bobby is my boys boy. He likes all things that go vroom. He wants speed and he wants it now. It's the oddest thing but the boy came out of the womb just loving cars. I have never experienced anything like it. And it's constant through his life. You ask him what he likes when he's one he points at cars. You ask him hat he likes now he will tell you about different cars to the point of nausea. Bobby is also the gross motor skills kid of the bunch not so much fine motor skills more kickball less etch a sketch. He also tends to muscle his siblings around though he is totally non aggressive with other children, only getting physical with his brother and sister.
  All three children are so different in temperament and likes it's very strange. It gives one a very different perspective on the whole nature versus nurture argument. I have learned you can't teach nature but you can teach consequences.

Pictures and the videos with which to torture.

I made a promise right before I had kids that I was not going to be that guy. You know the guy who traps you and makes you look at picture after picture of his kid. "oh this is little jimmy looking left, and here he is looking right, and here he his looking at mommy, and here I don't know what he's looking at but isn't he cute etc etc."
   I hate that. I tried very hard not to be that guy. Then the kids came and when your kids come you must absolutely document every waking moment for at least the first year. You see, it's not that you become this voyeuristic monster, it's because babies don't do much and you want to engage with them and show off your offspring. So you do what every parent does you take photos. You take thousands of photos. You take hours of video. Then when your kid is sleeping you watch the videos and you look through the pictures looking for the best examples of your spawn's cuteness in which to spring on any hapless fool who dares ask about the children.
  This is why I created a facebook page, I made the page as a kind of purge for me. It gave me a place to vomit all the best hits of my triplets photos. I did this so that any family or friends who had any interest could at their leisure peruse the picocalypse. As my friends can attest I really don't talk about the kids all that much unless the story be real funny. I guess this blog is a similar cathartic outlet. If in public I will say that I am a SAHD of triplets and the what not. If I do show a picture it's just the one I have in my wallet, not the hundreds on my phone.
  I love my children and I think the are special and cute and do amazing things. That said, I don't expect you to feel the same way about any kids other than your own. Oh sure other kids might be one thing or the other, especially if your talking to their parents, but generally if they were not your kids they are a lot less cute, amazing, and well behaved. If you don't believe me think about this little thing. Have you ever seen an ugly baby? and if so did you say " wow your baby is hideous"  No we save those comments for some other time. No one thinks their baby is the atrocious little troll the rest of the people in the world see. And remember as a parent, others feel that way about your kid.

Rubber Duckie is trying to kill me

Lets talk about baths today. You have got to understand that washing three babies is much different than bathing three toddlers. Babies are all cute and coo. You splash a little water here and there a touch of soap a little shampoo a dash of powder after a dry off and voila, clean little baby. A toddler can be as calm as a placid pool or the very fury of a hurricane.  In the early days we would bathe one child at a time in these little buckets which you would set up on the counter and use the sink to provide the water. They may cry if the water was to hot or cold. but other wise they was very little problem, unless we had a pooper. Poop in the bath is a bad day for everyone. Thankfully that has only happened a handful of times. Until recently we would wash all three kids at the same time in the bath. They would fight over toys and tend to splash, so what parents need to keep in mind is that you are not going to stay dry. It may be possible to stay dry with a single child, not with three. Sometimes I really just wanted to get a huge spoon and stir the children in the bathtub like a stew. You have to wash all their little cracks and crannies. Their pits and their bits. You have to make sure you get the ears and behind their ears, between the toes. It's labor intensive and as they moved from the counter to the actual bath the strain on the knees and back have increased. Once all three are clean and ready for departure, you get them out one at a time to dry off, apply lotion, and dry hair. We normally finish the bathroom routine with the brushing of the teeth. Thankfully the kids are coming of age where they can do a good deal of the personal cleaning in the bath themselves with supervision. And no they don't all still bathe together, it's faster and less wet on me and my floor when we do one at a time. I do love being so necessary in my children's life but a part of me is excited for when they can bathe themselves.

Schooling for the wee ones.

Our kids love school. We started them early by putting them in a dinosaur camp summer program which helped get them used to the idea. They have also been to Sunday school a couple of times and all last year they were in a three year old art based structured to be like school day school at a local church, but this year is the big year and they have officially started public school. Now things are a little different. You see in the past four years that I have had the kids at home we have worked on spelling and writing and math as well as self reliance skills and manners to name a few of the concepts I thought was important. We read to the kids all the time we make them line up and say please and thank you. We make the kids clean up their rooms and play areas. We make them ask before they leave the dinner table. We have the kids help out with laundry and brush their teeth twice a day. I thought this was normal. But now that we are in public school I find that what we did with our kids is not the norm. There is a child in the kindergarten ahead of my kids that is socially and intellectually that of a two year old due to neglect. I would have never thought that would be the case. I send my children to public school and now I fear them picking up bad habits from other children. Because of some issues with another child my oldest Bobby became afraid to go to school. There was another child in the class being physically abusive to him and the others as well, but seemed to target Bobby the most. Things such as taking his name tag and school supplies, pushing and twisting his arm to bending his fingers back. I spoke to the teacher and I felt like I was brushed off with kids will be kids. I told Bobby that the next time the kids stated messing with him to get real loud and say "Don't touch me!" Which I was told by the kids the following day that Bobby got in trouble for being loud in class. Well what am I to do at this point? Teach Bobby how to break a kids arm or his nose or pass my concerns up the chain of command. I decided on the latter.
 It's weird going in to sit in the Vice Principals office for a parent teacher conference. You see I used a buzz word in my email to the administration. I used the word bullying. Did you know that got me into the see the teacher and vice principal the very next day. I don't know about most parents but I love my kids and more over I like my kids, I enjoy spending time with them and I talk to them and listen to them. I am my children's advocate if I can't find a solution within the system I can dam well promise you I will find one outside of the system. The most surprising thing to me has been how some parents just don't give a shit. And we wonder about the state of the world.

The day a pack n' play almost killed me.

I don't know how much experience you have with putting together baby stuff but when your a new father who's only sleeping in two hour segments at a time, the smallest of details can and will be your undoing. So we're in about the second week of having the children home so suffice it to say my wife and I are zombies in all manner except for the brain eating part. And at the baby shower we got some pack n plays. We thought these might be handy to have around the house for a safe place to put a kid while dealing with another. So during one of the times that all the kids were all asleep I decided to unpack one of the pack n plays and put it together, you know for science. I was so  inured to lack of sleep that I was not thinking clearly. When I pulled it out of the box it seemed easy enough you click the center bars and plug in to corners and put the folded floor board in the bottom and presto fully realized pack n play. The thing is I could not slide the support bars into the corners. It was so close to just being able to slide into the locking position that I could not believe how difficult it was to do this. I was pulling and pushing I at one point was using both feet  to push while I was pushing on the other end like a cartoon character trying to keep a lion from biting him. That didn't work. I must have struggled with that thing for a good 10 minutes. And when I say struggle I mean I was sweaty and breathing heavily, all red in the face and pissed. I sat there thinking what the hell, this dam thing is supposed to be easy to do, I mean it's a fricking pack n play you're supposed to be able to set this thing up in seconds. My wife had been in the kitchen and was listening to my epic battle, at this point she walks into the room and asks me if I read the instructions, to which I replied that I had, not in a pleasant manner mind you. She walked over and picks up the instructions and noticed one little detail that I had missed. The cross bars of the pack n play have a button hinge that allows you to put the cross bars in the corner pieces, then you straighten the bars till they click. You see, I had straightened the bars before putting them in the corners. My Advice is when you're a brand new father in the depths of no sleep land, read the instructions twice.

Laundry or I am Sisyphus.

To start with, I am so tired of laundry, it never ends. My kids go through three different outfits a day. you got pajamas, school clothes, and play clothes. With the trips that is nine sets of outfits a day. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. My trick is I don't think about it I just do it. I have it set up on a schedule and this is how it goes. I do laundry on Monday and Wednesday for the kids. And then I get to do mine on Friday. Thursday is all about sheets and towels. Then my lovely wife gets to do her laundry on the weekends. This is why I feel like Sisyphus who for a crime against the gods - the specifics of which are variously reported - he was condemned to an eternity at hard labor. For his assignment was to roll a great boulder to the top of a hill. Only every time Sisyphus attained the summit, the darn thing rolled back down again. Only laundry instead of boulder. I have nightmares of being drowned in piles of laundry if I decide to skip a day. It builds up so quickly. And the thing I dislike about laundry is not the washing our drying or putting it back up. Dear lord it's the folding the endless folding, Paring socks, matching up outfits ad nauseum. The only benefit is that during that time I get to watch TV, if the kids let me, kid friendly TV. Thankfully the children are starting to help out with the laundry. If I call them they will come and take types of laundry to it's respective places. be it socks or underwear or other types as the case may be. Unfortunately none of them can use a hanger for shit. I can tell you that if money was no object I would do one of two things. One I would hire someone to do all this laundry and if that was not possible, I would burn everything and just buy new clothes weekly. Nudists may have a good idea.

Dinner out with the trips

We as a family tend to eat out on the weekends, mainly for the breakfast meal. A lot of people shudder at the thought of taking the triplets out to breakfast because of all the work you might think is involved. It's really not that bad. At this point the kids do the most of the heavy lifting when it comes to getting dressed. So that is not a problem. The problem is getting up early enough to beat the crowds. Again the kids tend to wake up early so the real issue is Mom an Dad crawling out of bed. For us, sleeping late consists of eight o' clock. So let's say that we are up and dressed and loaded into the car, " a thirty minute process." We now have to pick where we are going to go. Which normally takes place while we are driving around. When we do settle on our breakfast place we park and unload the and head in the doors. Now a little background, we have a couple of local places that we like to go for breakfast. One of the places love us. we have been going there the entire time we have lived here. The wait staff know us and think our kids are super cute and well behaved. And it's true our kids are really good in public. Why, once when the kids were very young, we're talking about two and some change, went to this place and got the normal glares and sighs from the patrons. Long story short the kids were so good and well behaved that another couple paid for our breakfast.  On a side note unless you have children you may not be aware of the pure hatred you receive as a parent when going to places like movies or restaurants. People tend to either have children and understand or don't have kids and believe that any children are going to cry and stink up the place. Today I learned that children deal with prejudice, even if it is handled by their parents. Now to be fair there are some horrible children out there but really is it the kids fault or should we blame the parents? I tend to rest in the blame the parents camp, I am just incredibly lucky to have children that came out respecting the unspoken rules of society. Really I think that children are easy to understand, their desires are very simple to get. Children are not filled with subterfuge. The better you know your children the better they behave. This is why I think it's such a blessing that I have been able to be a stay at home dad. I know my kids and they know me so the lines of communication are very clear, and they don't have to lash out to get my attention or my wife's attention. I believe that the majority of tantrums and crying episodes in public are the only way that a child can gain control of a situation or get their parents attention. Since my children don't have those issues we know that when they cry there is normally a good reason. Unless it's past their bed time them all bets are off, then we have the kids that you don't want to sit next to anywhere. The next time your are next to some parents in public with children acting all the fool rather than get all pissy and judgemental consider you self lucky because those poor parents have to go home with that child.